What happens when you can't ask basic questions
When questions like "Is it fair?" and "why is it fair?" are off the table, trans-identified people and allies need talking points
Something I've noticed about online trans communities: It's almost always "How do I respond to X argument?" and almost never "Is there anything to X argument?"
This is what cognitive dissonance often sounds like: "I know [the right answer]. That's obvious... It's a case of me knowing the right answer but I cannot begin to form a counter in my head for whatever reason..." If it's threatening to think about something—if thinking something through will cause dissonant thoughts to clash—you won't.
This is one of the functions 'internalized transphobia' serves: smothering doubts in the name of self-care and not causing harm to other members of the trans community.
Trans allies face similar challenges. "How do I respond when people say it's not fair for transwomen to compete in women's sports?"
My boyfriend believes Lia Thomas did not deserve to win 1st place because she is “physiologically a man”. I am looking for some insight and opinion on the subject before I call him back.
"… I have a problem with this because it feels invalidating and transphobic to me... I don’t know how to continue the conversation with him and feel defeated because I haven’t done a lot of research and am admittedly uneducated on the subject."
The normal thing to do would be to sit down and think about whether it's fair or not and why.
But if you can't ask: "is it fair?" or even: "why is it fair?" then you won't be able to come up with your own arguments. You'll need to crib and recite talking points instead.
I think for a lot of people, what it reveals is that they haven't thought it through and that mantras like "trans women are women" and accusations of transphobia aren't actual arguments, they're just designed to stop thinking and discussion. I think that's why we need to get more comfortable asking people "What do you mean by that?" when they say stuff like that. Also, "transphobia" should not shut anything down when misogyny and homophobia could just as easily be lobbed at trans ideologues and if they're positing that trans people's needs are MORE important than other peoples', then they need to at least be honest about that. Then they need to be asked how oppression hierarchies help oppressed people.
This is why they continually tell themselves and their allies not to read anything by a gender critical author - they know that screaming "no debate" means they don't have a leg to stand on.