Given that such a letter might be of value for others in my situation who've lost friends over the issue of gender identity, I'm sharing it here. If it's useful to you, use it. Dear X, I admit I’m still amazed that our long friendship broke up over the issue of gender identity and the alleged harmfulness of my views, which, for the sake of clarity, I’ll summarize here:
Thanks! Scrolled down and read it on Twitter and left another comment. She has fully drunk the cool aid, and there's no reasoning with her. This belief system is clearly quasi-religious for her or anyone else who declares "transwomen are women," while ignoring all the real-world negative consequences of such a statement/belief.
It is the lack of questioning that raises alarm bells. The lack of context. The lack of historical perspective (unless it has been re-written to serve the creed). Many have said it, but the current trans ideology *is* indistinguishable from a religion - the mantras, the belief in souls and transubstantiation, mortification of the flesh, the with-us-or-against-us mindset, the indoctrination of children and young people. It worries me that, because of this, we'll not get rid of this harmful dogma soon - have you ever tried talking to a religious person about the inconsistencies of their beliefs?
I too lost a friend over this— not just a friend but an ex from several lifetimes ago, someone who I deeply trusted, who was the first person I turned to when things went wrong, someone I treasured; I thought that the 35 years we had known each other would roll on into old age. I put out a careful feeler to her when I first began questioning the gender doctrine, only to have her write back that she felt differently and that I should consider the ‘harms done by lesbians to trans women’ (!!); my uncontroversial reply was ignored until I invited her to visit the house where I’d moved with my partner. Her response was to tell me that as long as I was involved with my partner, who she felt had taken the wrong side over a fight about Meghan Murphy speaking at the local library (my partners arguments stayed away from gender issues and were firmly on the grounds of free speech), she felt our friendship ‘should draw to a close’. She also cited the damning evidence that I had liked JK’s tweet about ‘wimpund? What is that name’: you know the one. She did not ask me what I really thought, or invite me to hear her out—I was already too far down the road to bigotry (her words) and was probably personally responsible for a dozen suicides of trans youth (paraphrased). I go into such detail not just because I was gutted by this and I am still grieving the loss but because I am by no means alone. And I hold the toxicity of the movement itself to blame; that it is severing the bonds of community and forcing tests of loyalty where only total capitulation passes. Thank you Eliza for writing about all this so well and for providing a place for me to vent among the like-minded. I have subscribed.
Thanks! Scrolled down and read it on Twitter and left another comment. She has fully drunk the cool aid, and there's no reasoning with her. This belief system is clearly quasi-religious for her or anyone else who declares "transwomen are women," while ignoring all the real-world negative consequences of such a statement/belief.
It is the lack of questioning that raises alarm bells. The lack of context. The lack of historical perspective (unless it has been re-written to serve the creed). Many have said it, but the current trans ideology *is* indistinguishable from a religion - the mantras, the belief in souls and transubstantiation, mortification of the flesh, the with-us-or-against-us mindset, the indoctrination of children and young people. It worries me that, because of this, we'll not get rid of this harmful dogma soon - have you ever tried talking to a religious person about the inconsistencies of their beliefs?
Powerful piece. Would love to know if/how your friend responded.
I too lost a friend over this— not just a friend but an ex from several lifetimes ago, someone who I deeply trusted, who was the first person I turned to when things went wrong, someone I treasured; I thought that the 35 years we had known each other would roll on into old age. I put out a careful feeler to her when I first began questioning the gender doctrine, only to have her write back that she felt differently and that I should consider the ‘harms done by lesbians to trans women’ (!!); my uncontroversial reply was ignored until I invited her to visit the house where I’d moved with my partner. Her response was to tell me that as long as I was involved with my partner, who she felt had taken the wrong side over a fight about Meghan Murphy speaking at the local library (my partners arguments stayed away from gender issues and were firmly on the grounds of free speech), she felt our friendship ‘should draw to a close’. She also cited the damning evidence that I had liked JK’s tweet about ‘wimpund? What is that name’: you know the one. She did not ask me what I really thought, or invite me to hear her out—I was already too far down the road to bigotry (her words) and was probably personally responsible for a dozen suicides of trans youth (paraphrased). I go into such detail not just because I was gutted by this and I am still grieving the loss but because I am by no means alone. And I hold the toxicity of the movement itself to blame; that it is severing the bonds of community and forcing tests of loyalty where only total capitulation passes. Thank you Eliza for writing about all this so well and for providing a place for me to vent among the like-minded. I have subscribed.