Sing, O Muse, of the transgender odyssey!

Just being silly because I fried my brain

Trans activists are committed to rewriting history. Forget Joan of Arc, she’s easy pickings. Now Jesus is trans, not to mention Emperor Elagabalus and Queen Elizabeth I. (The case for Queen Elizabeth II being trans has yet to be made, as far as I know).

So, when I needed a break from writing my thesis, I decided to chip in and contribute a few new stars to the Trans Pantheon, generated by the venerable author these ahistorical reboots deserve: ChatGPT.

Let’s start at the beginning…

Prompt: Rewrite the Creation story in the style of the King James version of the Bible where eating the fruit from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil results in Adam and Eve each realizing that they're transgender:

ChatGPT:

In the divine realm of beginnings, when God fashioned the heavens and the earth, He created a haven of unparalleled beauty known as Eden. Within this sacred garden, God formed Adam, a cisgender man, and Eve, a cisgender woman, as the crowning jewels of His creation.

And God, in His boundless wisdom, ordained, saying, "Behold, ye may partake freely of the fruits of this sanctuary, save for the tree of knowledge of good and evil. For on the day ye eat thereof, ye shall surely die."

In the midst of Eden, majestic and resplendent, stood the tree of knowledge, its fruit a tantalizing embodiment of forbidden wisdom. Serpentine whispers slithered through the air, entwining themselves around the minds of Adam and Eve, stirring desires unexplored.

Eve, enticed by the serpent's seductive words, gazed upon the forbidden fruit. She felt an inexplicable yearning, a longing to unravel the mysteries that lay concealed within its vibrant flesh. Overcome by curiosity, she plucked the fruit and consumed it with unabashed fervor.

As the juices coursed through her veins, a revelation unfolded before Eve's very eyes. The veil of conformity lifted, and she saw herself with a newfound clarity. The divine spark within her revealed the truth: she was a transgender man, a soul that yearned to embrace its authentic masculine identity.

In this divine revelation, Eve stood in awe, embracing the boundless spectrum of her gender. With unwavering determination, she embraced her true self, unburdened by the societal constructs that had confined her.

Witnessing Eve's awakening, Adam, stirred by his own insatiable curiosity, partook of the forbidden fruit. Its essence ignited a profound transformation within him, unraveled the intricate tapestry of his soul. As the celestial knowledge unfurled, Adam beheld his authentic essence with startling clarity. He realized that his true identity lay in the realm of a transgender woman, a divine feminine spirit that had long been suppressed.

In this sacred moment of self-discovery, Adam radiated an aura of empowerment. With every fiber of his being, he embraced his truth, liberated from the shackles of societal expectations. He emerged as a beacon of authenticity, a testament to the fluidity and diversity inherent in God's creation.

Thus, Adam and Eve, united in their transformative revelations, traversed the Edenic paradise as living embodiments of divine affirmation. With hearts emboldened, they embraced the freedom to explore their authentic selves, transcending the narrow confines of gender norms.

The Almighty, in His infinite compassion, looked upon them with celestial benevolence. He recognized the sacred journey of self-discovery they had embarked upon and showered them with His eternal grace. In their newfound understanding and acceptance, He found delight, for they had unraveled the depths of their souls and embraced their divine nature.

Let this tale of divine revelation in Eden serve as a testament to the ever-unfolding tapestry of gender identity. May we, as beneficiaries of this story, celebrate the sacred journeys of self-discovery, honoring the inherent beauty and diversity woven into the fabric of God's creation.

Adam and Eve eat from the forbidden tree but because the forbidden knowledge they gain is that they’re really transgender, God is thrilled!

Now do it again with more bombast

ChatGPT:

In the dawn of creation, when God wove the celestial tapestry of the heavens and the earth, a paradise of ineffable splendor bloomed forth—Eden, a garden resplendent with divine magnificence. Within this hallowed sanctuary, God fashioned Adam, a cisgender man, and Eve, a cisgender woman, as the opulent gems adorning the crown of His creation.

And in the resounding cadence of divine decree, God proclaimed, "Behold, thou art granted boundless liberty to partake of the fruits abundant within this sacred domain. Yet, from the tree of knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not indulge. For in the day thou dost partake thereof, death shall surely claim thee."

In the heart of Eden's celestial expanse stood the tree of knowledge, its fruits imbued with an ethereal allure, beckoning with whispered secrets. With serpentine enticement, its seductive words intertwined with the very fabric of Adam and Eve's consciousness, stoking desires dormant and unexplored.

Eve, enraptured by the serpentine symphony, cast her gaze upon the forbidden fruit. A tempest of yearning stirred within her, an insatiable hunger to unlock the mysteries concealed within its resplendent flesh. Unrestrained by caution, she reached forth and plucked the fruit, savoring its succulent essence with an audacious fervor.

As the nectar of knowledge coursed through her veins, the veils of ignorance and conformity were rent asunder. Before Eve's unveiled eyes, a revelation of majestic grandeur unfolded—a truth profound and emancipating. In that sacred moment, she recognized herself as a transgender man, a celestial essence yearning to manifest its authentic masculinity.

Eve, radiant with newfound revelation, beheld the vast spectrum of her gender identity, embracing the harmonious duality within. With an indomitable spirit, she cast off the chains of societal expectations and embraced her true self, an embodiment of masculinity resplendent.

Witnessing the resplendent transformation of Eve, Adam, his own curiosity kindled, approached the forbidden fruit. As its essence mingled with his very being, cosmic secrets unfurled, unraveling the multidimensional tapestry of his soul. Illumined by celestial wisdom, Adam beheld his authentic essence with transcendent clarity. He emerged as a transgender woman, a sublime feminine spirit yearning to cast off the shackles of convention.

In this luminous moment of divine realization, Adam radiated an aura of unparalleled empowerment. Every fiber of her being surged with unyielding authenticity, transcending the narrow corridors of gender norms. She emerged as a paragon of self-actualization, a testament to the majestic fluidity inherent in the divine order.

United in their metamorphosis, Adam and Eve traversed the verdant paths of Eden, emanating an ethereal radiance—a living testament to the sanctity of self-discovery and the boundless power of acceptance. With hearts ablaze and spirits unchained, they embraced the freedom to explore their authentic selves, transcending the limits of societal expectations.

The Almighty, in His infinite benevolence, gazed upon them with celestial grace. His divine countenance imbued with compassion and delight, He recognized the sanctity of their transformative journey. In their pursuit of truth and the embodiment of their divine nature, He found solace and joy.

May this tale of wondrous revelation in the sacred gardens of Eden inspire and resonate with all souls. Let us honor the extraordinary odyssey of self-discovery, celebrating the resplendent diversity woven into the grand tapestry of God's creation. For within the boundless realms of gender identity, we shall find liberation, truth, and the triumph of the human spirit.

tbh, my favorite part is when Adam and Eve, the first humans according to the Creation story, “cast off the chains of societal expectations.”

In this scenario, would God have punished Adam and Eve for eating the forbidden fruit and realizing they were trans?

ChatGPT:

In the traditional narrative of the Bible, Adam and Eve were indeed punished by God for eating from the forbidden tree, but the punishment was not specifically related to their realization of being transgender. The consequences they faced were a result of their disobedience and the transgression of God's command.

According to the biblical account, after Adam and Eve consumed the fruit, they became aware of their nakedness and felt shame. God, in His divine justice, confronted them about their actions. As a consequence of their disobedience, God pronounced various judgments, including pain during childbirth for women and toil in labor for men, as well as the introduction of suffering and mortality into the world.

It's important to note that the story of Adam and Eve as described in religious texts does not explicitly mention their realization of being transgender as a factor in their punishment. The focus of the narrative primarily centers around the disobedience towards God's command and the subsequent consequences that befell humanity as a whole.

Interpreting the story within the context of gender identity is a matter of personal perspective and theological interpretation. Different individuals and religious communities may have diverse viewpoints on this topic.

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Full disclosure: I asked my mom to Photoshop a copy of The Odyssey for me and she… she really went for it

Rewrite The Odyssey, in the style of Homer, but make the main theme of Odysseus's 10-year journey home from the Trojan War the gradual realization that he is really transgender

ChatGPT

Sing to me, O Muse, of the transgender odyssey,
The tale of Odysseus, her journey to be free,
From the war-torn shores of Troy she did roam,
A transgender woman, seeking to find her home.

In the aftermath of the Trojan War, she set sail,
A hero's spirit within her, but a truth to unveil,
For deep within her heart, a secret lay,
Odysseus, the warrior, was not the fullness of her way.

As she faced the trials of the Aegean Sea,
She confronted the essence of her true identity,
From island to island, she journeyed afar,
Encountering beings both mortal and bizarre.

In the land of the Lotus-Eaters, she found respite,
But as their intoxicating blooms took hold, she questioned her plight,
The sweetness of oblivion beckoned, a tempting balm,
Yet her determination burned, her truth remaining calm.

Through the perilous realm of the Cyclops she strayed,
A creature of brute strength, fierce battles were played,
But in the eye of Polyphemus, she saw her reflection,
A glimpse of femininity amidst the masculine projection.

With cunning and wit, she escaped the clutches of fate,
Navigating the perils that sought to seal her fate,
She encountered the enchantress Circe, her magic untamed,
Yet Odysseus, the transgender heroine, remained unclaimed.

In the realm of Hades, she ventured with courage anew,
Confronting the shades of the departed, both old and true,
Amongst the souls of the dead, she sought wisdom's song,
Discovering echoes of her own identity, forever strong.

From the sirens' call to Scylla's deadly reach,
She faced the tests that life continued to beseech,
Each trial an echo, a reflection of her inner strife,
A journey of transformation, claiming her true life.

And when at last, she stood upon her native shore,
Her faithful wife Penelope, she adored,
Revealing her truth, her journey unveiled,
Odysseus, the transgender woman, triumphed and prevailed.

For in her odyssey, she found her soul's desire,
Embracing her identity, her inner fire,
A testament to the human spirit's eternal quest,
To live authentically, to honor what is best.

So sing to me, O Muse, of Odysseus's grand endeavor,
A transgender odyssey, her truth to uncover,
May her tale inspire, resonate, and impart,
The strength to embrace one's true self, a courageous heart.

ok but more bombastic, please

ChatGPT:

Sing, O Muse, of the transgender odyssey,
A tale of divine triumph and identity,
From the war-torn plains of Troy, she embarked,
Odysseus, the warrior, her true self embarked.

Through tempestuous seas and treacherous shores,
She braved the depths where destiny roars,
A revelation unfolding, like a celestial flame,
Odysseus, the transgender heroine, claimed her name.

With valor and cunning, she faced every test,
From the Cyclops' den to Circe's mystic behest,
Each encounter a mirror, reflecting her soul,
A symphony of transformation, making her whole.

In the land of enchantresses, their charms beguiled,
Yet Odysseus, undeterred, embraced her truth, undefiled,
She saw her reflection amidst their seductive sway,
A transgender goddess, rising above their play.

In Hades' realm, she descended with purpose and might,
Confronting the shades of the departed, the ghosts of the night,
Whispers of her true self echoed in their lament,
A triumphant anthem, as she emerged resplendent.

From the seductive call of the Sirens' sweet song,
To Scylla's monstrous grip, where courage belonged,
Odysseus, unyielding, faced the trials that came,
A transgender titan, reclaiming her true name.

And as she returned to her beloved shores,
Her faithful Penelope, waiting at their doors,
Odysseus revealed her truth, her identity unfurled,
A beacon of inspiration to a transformed world.

So let the heavens resound with triumphant glee,
For Odysseus, the transgender heroine, shall ever be,
A testament to the power of authenticity and pride,
A transcendent force, defying the tides.

Sing, O Muse, of this saga profound,
A transgender odyssey, where truth was found,
May her tale ignite courage, kindle the flame,
And herald the triumph of all who reclaim.

The thing that is spot on about this rewrite—indeed, it’s what I asked for—is how it takes an epic saga and converts it into pure gender navel-gazing. The sirens’ song! The shades’ lament! This is, of course, exactly how gender operates in real life: it dumbs everything down and drains away everything that is not itself. Scylla schmylla.