I was a young adult when I transitioned, so my mom wasn't involved in my medical treatment process, but she apparently made a post in a "parents of trans kids" Facebook group when I broke down about my surgery regret, and basically got this reaction. Just ruthless accusations of faking and fear-mongering, paying no heed to the distress and cry for help in the post. It really feels like they just turn on you the moment you step out of line.
I lurked in that reddit for a bit and it is just unbelievable. There is a mom bragging about getting "transphobes" fired. A mom looking for compression leggings for her 11 y.o. son to hide the "bulge". A mom looking for a playgroup for a non-binary three year old. It reads like satire, yet apparently they are for real. I generally try to be sympathetic and look at both sides but I just cannot see how anyone of even below average intelligence cannot see the insanity. Also, who came up with the idea that parents should follow the child's lead on anything? What human culture or animal species ever let the babies lead their parents?
Child-led learning is a term that came out of the homeschooling movement. I can give examples of where it is appropriate. I homeschooled my daughter and when she was 13 she wanted to learn Korean. She was very passionate and taught herself through the internet how to read and write some basic Korean. I could have said no Spanish is more practical and made her learn Spanish.
These kinds of stories are extremely common in certain homeschooling circles. A child becomes very passionate about learning something and the parent allows them to really dig in and learn what they are drawn to. The way this term is being used in this case-the transing of children- is an utter abomination. Unimaginably wrong in every sense. Yet there is place for child-led learning in education because each child has different interests and talents.
Like in any cult, anyone who leaves the cult of their own choice must be discredited. It’s impossible that it just wasn’t healthy and for them, so it *must* be literally any other reason
The whole thing is just such a huge cluster-fuck, it’s heartbreaking and it’s hard to know what to say. Everybody ends up hurting. I just this week lost a friend because I’ve been occasionally offering an alternative narrative to news items and her son’s gender exploration. She shut me down and accused me of being ‘too consumed’.
I’ve lost a few friends that way as well. Granted I tend to get a little heated and angry when discussing the gender subject. No one wants to hang out with the crazy conspiracy theorist who threatens their beliefs about “the right side of history “.
I’ve lost friends before as well, back when this all started to become a thing. I hold my hand up to being angry on those occasions because of the sheer nonsensical, incomprehensibility of it all.
This time, I wasn’t angry. I just countered a few things she said with a different opinion and some facts and got shut down every time. It really hurts this time because she’s been there for me when I’ve been in a bad place and I thought our friendship was stronger than this.
It hurts a lot when it is someone you love. I made a conscious decision to not bring up anything gender when talking to certain long time friends. One has a college age son who identifies as a lesbian and is considering taking hormones. She isn’t cheering him on but won’t push back either. She just affirms and supports him. I don’t understand why she isn’t terrified.
I'm going to play devil's advocate here to make a point. Maybe this was a fake post. But were all the dismissive, skeptical, and circular and nonsensical justifying responses also fake? There was still a very clear message sent to anyone reading the post and responses: You may be certain about your decisions now, you may have our support now. But you must always be certain you did the right thing. You will not be supported if you bring us a story of regret. You are not allowed to question or re-analyze your decisions then or now. You are not allowed to make the rest of us feel uncomfortable. They have trained others never to challenge anything or question them - because look at how they will respond! - and then they can comfortably keep up their claims that regret never happens, parents should only affirm, and that the only way teens can be socially influenced and make wrong decisions about themselves is through detransitioning "rabbit holes."
Seriously. They are claiming kids can get sucked into a detransitioning and regret rabbit hole of online influence and social contagion that causes them to make life altering bad decisions, misunderstand who they actually are, and beg their parents to take drastic actions and lash out at them and blame them when they don't, but that can never happen in the direction of transitioning?
That's a bold claim they're making with nothing to back it up.
The reason I continue to post the link to Vaishnavi Sundar's new, epic documentary on trans widows, Behind the Looking Glass (Lime Soda Films YouTube channel) is the connection I've drawn between the ret-conning of middle aged AGP men, who constantly fantasize about their lives as "true trans" if they only could have "transitioned" before puberty. This myth has thoroughly taken over the "gender specialist" field and messed with any and all data collection on how to treat patients with Identity-Based Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I suggest watch it with this in mind.
I got booted from that group (was not an active member once I realized the MO) the minute I supported a mom asking if a "wait and see approach" was legit and mentioned the Cass report 😄. To question is to be thrown to the wolves and they eat their own. It's so dangerous and vicious 😞
Questions about the cult’s core beliefs will not be tolerated - reality be damned. It’s as simple as that. It is completely unsurprising that people who are committed to modern-day lobotomy as a cure to their children’s distress find their way onto Reddit to police the thoughts of grieving parents.
I lost a dear girlfriend to the trans cult. Ironically, as a naturopath, she had previously saved my life by preventing me from doing chemo/radiation which ended up killing my sister after we were both diagnosed with the same cancer.
When she made the decision to transition she was in her 40's. She had been raised by abusive parents who constantly told her that they wished she had been born a boy. So she finally answered their 'prayers'. Tragically, after she made the transition, her life fell apart. No doubt her parents rejected her. She lost her home, husband, children. I don't know where she is now but she absolutely could not be convinced that it was a mistake.
That was in 2015 and my first introduction to the trans cult. It was harrowing trying to speak out about it. Getting kicked off multiple platforms, losing friends. Being vilified by strangers.
Anxious parents (and I count myself among them) work so hard to manage their anxiety about their children by trying to protect them from every disappointment or setback. For example, I had a hard time weaning my daughter because I couldn't bear to see her cry. Today I wonder if my behavior exacerbated, rather than soothed, her own anxieties.
I am guessing that many of the mothers of these young women are anxious parents like me: so concerned that their child be happy, so invested in the experts who tell them how to be good parents, so sure that their protectiveness is the best for their child.
I'm lucky that my daughter hasn't joined the cult, but four (that I know of) of her friends have. I am friends with the parents of three of them--they are all trying so hard to be supportive and affirming. Because that's what "good" parents do.
If only this Substack could be syndicated and run as a weekly column in North American newspapers! Truth is the universal solvent of lies and deception.
My take on "The Parent Trap" was that it was such a cute movie in both versions (Hayley Mills and Lindsay Lohan). Now I will have to think about this insanity whenever I hear "The Parent Trap."
This is so frustrating to read. I can see that, once this parent jumped out of reality and into a sick fantasy of having a "son" in her daughter's body who needed medical help to align his body with his desires, she has a hard time moving back into reality when her child realizes this was all a delusion.
The parent was a full participant in everything that happened to her child, and now has to come to terms with the fact that she failed to protect her child and instead became part of the danger her child was facing. I'm sure this parent is incredibly confused, surprised and upset, as is the daughter. What a mess!!!
A "mess", indeed. A Greek tragedy worthy of Sophocles:
"At the end of the play, after the truth finally comes to light, Jocasta hangs herself while Oedipus, horrified at his patricide and incest, proceeds to gouge out his own eyes in despair."
Partly why I've periodically thought that many transwomen start off as children competing with their mothers for the affections of their fathers. Some fairly twisted psychology in all of that, at least potentially.
I was a young adult when I transitioned, so my mom wasn't involved in my medical treatment process, but she apparently made a post in a "parents of trans kids" Facebook group when I broke down about my surgery regret, and basically got this reaction. Just ruthless accusations of faking and fear-mongering, paying no heed to the distress and cry for help in the post. It really feels like they just turn on you the moment you step out of line.
The very definition of a cult is this behaviour.
100% definition of cultist behavior.
I lurked in that reddit for a bit and it is just unbelievable. There is a mom bragging about getting "transphobes" fired. A mom looking for compression leggings for her 11 y.o. son to hide the "bulge". A mom looking for a playgroup for a non-binary three year old. It reads like satire, yet apparently they are for real. I generally try to be sympathetic and look at both sides but I just cannot see how anyone of even below average intelligence cannot see the insanity. Also, who came up with the idea that parents should follow the child's lead on anything? What human culture or animal species ever let the babies lead their parents?
Child-led learning is a term that came out of the homeschooling movement. I can give examples of where it is appropriate. I homeschooled my daughter and when she was 13 she wanted to learn Korean. She was very passionate and taught herself through the internet how to read and write some basic Korean. I could have said no Spanish is more practical and made her learn Spanish.
These kinds of stories are extremely common in certain homeschooling circles. A child becomes very passionate about learning something and the parent allows them to really dig in and learn what they are drawn to. The way this term is being used in this case-the transing of children- is an utter abomination. Unimaginably wrong in every sense. Yet there is place for child-led learning in education because each child has different interests and talents.
Oh, I see. It does make sense in such context. Thanks.
“I believe the children are our future / teach them well and / let them lead the way.”
Like in any cult, anyone who leaves the cult of their own choice must be discredited. It’s impossible that it just wasn’t healthy and for them, so it *must* be literally any other reason
The whole thing is just such a huge cluster-fuck, it’s heartbreaking and it’s hard to know what to say. Everybody ends up hurting. I just this week lost a friend because I’ve been occasionally offering an alternative narrative to news items and her son’s gender exploration. She shut me down and accused me of being ‘too consumed’.
I’ve lost a few friends that way as well. Granted I tend to get a little heated and angry when discussing the gender subject. No one wants to hang out with the crazy conspiracy theorist who threatens their beliefs about “the right side of history “.
I’ve lost friends before as well, back when this all started to become a thing. I hold my hand up to being angry on those occasions because of the sheer nonsensical, incomprehensibility of it all.
This time, I wasn’t angry. I just countered a few things she said with a different opinion and some facts and got shut down every time. It really hurts this time because she’s been there for me when I’ve been in a bad place and I thought our friendship was stronger than this.
It hurts a lot when it is someone you love. I made a conscious decision to not bring up anything gender when talking to certain long time friends. One has a college age son who identifies as a lesbian and is considering taking hormones. She isn’t cheering him on but won’t push back either. She just affirms and supports him. I don’t understand why she isn’t terrified.
I haven't read something quite as saddening in a long time 😢.
Saddening, yes, but also maddening.
I'm going to play devil's advocate here to make a point. Maybe this was a fake post. But were all the dismissive, skeptical, and circular and nonsensical justifying responses also fake? There was still a very clear message sent to anyone reading the post and responses: You may be certain about your decisions now, you may have our support now. But you must always be certain you did the right thing. You will not be supported if you bring us a story of regret. You are not allowed to question or re-analyze your decisions then or now. You are not allowed to make the rest of us feel uncomfortable. They have trained others never to challenge anything or question them - because look at how they will respond! - and then they can comfortably keep up their claims that regret never happens, parents should only affirm, and that the only way teens can be socially influenced and make wrong decisions about themselves is through detransitioning "rabbit holes."
Seriously. They are claiming kids can get sucked into a detransitioning and regret rabbit hole of online influence and social contagion that causes them to make life altering bad decisions, misunderstand who they actually are, and beg their parents to take drastic actions and lash out at them and blame them when they don't, but that can never happen in the direction of transitioning?
That's a bold claim they're making with nothing to back it up.
Top-shelf irony. The claim that the very process that lead them to transition led them to detransition deserves a gold medal in mental gymnastics.
The reason I continue to post the link to Vaishnavi Sundar's new, epic documentary on trans widows, Behind the Looking Glass (Lime Soda Films YouTube channel) is the connection I've drawn between the ret-conning of middle aged AGP men, who constantly fantasize about their lives as "true trans" if they only could have "transitioned" before puberty. This myth has thoroughly taken over the "gender specialist" field and messed with any and all data collection on how to treat patients with Identity-Based Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I suggest watch it with this in mind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Frffv2sB8zE
I got booted from that group (was not an active member once I realized the MO) the minute I supported a mom asking if a "wait and see approach" was legit and mentioned the Cass report 😄. To question is to be thrown to the wolves and they eat their own. It's so dangerous and vicious 😞
Nearly all of Reddit is like that, for what it’s worth.
True true
Questions about the cult’s core beliefs will not be tolerated - reality be damned. It’s as simple as that. It is completely unsurprising that people who are committed to modern-day lobotomy as a cure to their children’s distress find their way onto Reddit to police the thoughts of grieving parents.
I lost a dear girlfriend to the trans cult. Ironically, as a naturopath, she had previously saved my life by preventing me from doing chemo/radiation which ended up killing my sister after we were both diagnosed with the same cancer.
When she made the decision to transition she was in her 40's. She had been raised by abusive parents who constantly told her that they wished she had been born a boy. So she finally answered their 'prayers'. Tragically, after she made the transition, her life fell apart. No doubt her parents rejected her. She lost her home, husband, children. I don't know where she is now but she absolutely could not be convinced that it was a mistake.
That was in 2015 and my first introduction to the trans cult. It was harrowing trying to speak out about it. Getting kicked off multiple platforms, losing friends. Being vilified by strangers.
I sympathize with the daughter.
When acknowledging a mistake means admitting to a crime, people will do nearly anything to prevent the truth from intruding upon their reality.
Anxious parents (and I count myself among them) work so hard to manage their anxiety about their children by trying to protect them from every disappointment or setback. For example, I had a hard time weaning my daughter because I couldn't bear to see her cry. Today I wonder if my behavior exacerbated, rather than soothed, her own anxieties.
I am guessing that many of the mothers of these young women are anxious parents like me: so concerned that their child be happy, so invested in the experts who tell them how to be good parents, so sure that their protectiveness is the best for their child.
I'm lucky that my daughter hasn't joined the cult, but four (that I know of) of her friends have. I am friends with the parents of three of them--they are all trying so hard to be supportive and affirming. Because that's what "good" parents do.
If only this Substack could be syndicated and run as a weekly column in North American newspapers! Truth is the universal solvent of lies and deception.
My take on "The Parent Trap" was that it was such a cute movie in both versions (Hayley Mills and Lindsay Lohan). Now I will have to think about this insanity whenever I hear "The Parent Trap."
This is so frustrating to read. I can see that, once this parent jumped out of reality and into a sick fantasy of having a "son" in her daughter's body who needed medical help to align his body with his desires, she has a hard time moving back into reality when her child realizes this was all a delusion.
The parent was a full participant in everything that happened to her child, and now has to come to terms with the fact that she failed to protect her child and instead became part of the danger her child was facing. I'm sure this parent is incredibly confused, surprised and upset, as is the daughter. What a mess!!!
A "mess", indeed. A Greek tragedy worthy of Sophocles:
"At the end of the play, after the truth finally comes to light, Jocasta hangs herself while Oedipus, horrified at his patricide and incest, proceeds to gouge out his own eyes in despair."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_Rex
Partly why I've periodically thought that many transwomen start off as children competing with their mothers for the affections of their fathers. Some fairly twisted psychology in all of that, at least potentially.
It’s all insane. I feel only *partial* sympathy for anyone involved.