Self-id is a misnomer. Anyone can "self-identify" however they please—as a precious child of God, Python fan, diva, heir of the Enlightenment, a man or a woman or neither, whatever that means to you. Of course, certain identities may—in quiet moments of self-reflection—sit a bit uneasily if inadequately supported by reality. A self-identified "artist" who never creates, for instance, might feel self-conscious when confronted with others’ artistic output. This isn’t anyone else’s problem besides the self-identified artist.
All of this goes against the cognitive behavioral therapy movement of the last 40 years: much of what bothers us is our interpretation of events, not the events themselves. I think you can take that a bit far: being in a concentration camp, or enslaved, or raped, *is* inherently traumatic--but most of life isn't that extreme. CBT is applicable to the overwhelming quotidian--which requires tremendous strength to endure. The every day slings & arrows of fortune... CBT has helped me develop boundaries and brush aside so much static and trivia.
According to CBT, you're not triggered: you choose to be triggered. No one is "making you feel" anything: you choose to feel dissed, misgendered, aggrieved, etc.
In the trans-identified world, everything is a micro-aggression waiting to happen.
I felt the same when I first heard about ‘trigger warnings’. I remember thinking wtf? The world is one giant grab bag of triggers. Men are guilty of more micro-aggressions and actual physical aggressions toward women and transwomen than any woman could be toward transwomen. Going to school with boys, for me, was extremely unpleasant. I’m on the spectrum and many of them were mean, because I was in ‘their’ math classes, math club or quiz team, but wasn’t acceptably nerdy, ie didn’t play magic or d&d. Football players sexually harassed most girls. Teachers, mostly women, only seemed interested in reprimanding girls for dress code infractions or merely speaking. Rarely did I see boys get in trouble, even when caught cheating. Young women are more susceptible to attacks on their character, body and confidence, than most mature women, yet it is young girls and women in schools being forced to put up with this, as most schools are prison-like environments where you are forced to interact with the same people for four years. Where will they be able to go to escape boys, if they can come into their bathrooms and locker rooms?
The gay friends I had in school were a refuge from the straight boys and I never knew a girl at that age to reject one’s presence in the changing room in theater class or on girls night, but we knew them personally. Growing up with someone, you really get to know them and none of them would ever have tried to compete against the girls in track. If anything, they preferred away games and sleepovers with other boys, for obvious reasons.
However, many of these transwomen are attracted to women and want to participate in sex segregated school sports? It seems like an obvious subterfuge to gain access to spaces where women retreat to get away from the male gaze and sexual advances. Appropriating girls sports seems designed to kill one of the few places in schools where girls can build their confidence. It may be a coincidence, but that consequence still can’t be brushed aside to accommodate a few boys.
I'm a gay man. A term has been coined to describe heterosexual men who seek to transition to being female because they get a sexual thrill from it, so yes, it is often straight men who are intent on becoming women, although I know of many gay men who have also made the switch. I have noticed that many trans women are contemptuous of natural women, and I wonder if those are the ones who were misogynistic when they were men.
On behalf of gay men, I'm glad to hear that they treated you better than the straight boys when you were in school.
I'm 71. I wasn't "out" in high school (no one was "out" back then). I'm not sure which trend you mean. -- Oh, sorry, I misread your comment. I think I know what you mean now.
CBT changed my life 20 years ago. The constant stress of living, wondering all the time what people thought of me, if I had upset them, would ruin my day and reinforce insecurities I thought I had. Worrying constantly about trivial inconsequential issues (like pronouns) is a sure sign of depression and mental health worries.
In every book and session about psychotherapy, inner child work, etc there is a clear message that says 'If you expect the world to change to match the way you feel you're going to have a very difficult life'. Said like that it reminds us all how very infantile the whole thing is, and how deeply destructive to the world at large.
Like all abusers: if they can get you to lie to yourself through their own gaslighting of your reality, they can get you to do anything.
Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Stoicism, and my therapist are all singing from the same choir book with this one. The only little bit of control I have over the world is the amount of control I have over myself. Every time I let myself get caught up with how everyone else "should" act or how things "should" be I make myself miserable. Every time.
It's terribly sad that some people are being told that outsourcing their happiness to other people is the way to go.
I keep reading passages of the Tao and reminding myself of this! The shoulds! Yes. It’s been my mission in life to take responsibility for my own happiness and not feel responsible for others feelings after decades of living as a miserable victim. Years of therapy and self investigation have led to an empowered liberated life. And then I watch my kid living by the opposite tenets. And then it’s like, how do I stay in my sanity and help her out of her insanity? That’s the journey.
So true Rebecca. It makes me miserable too. As women being socialised from birth to please and compromise, it's incredibly difficult for many of us to even realise we are doing it. I am very glad I am aware these days!
Girls and women are forced to live with a constant juxtaposition of “being kind” and also having our antennas up for any sense of danger. I taught my girls, now in their 30s, to trust their instincts. Girls today are being taught to disregard those in order to not accidentally hurting the feelings of a man. Fuck that.
Yep, I'm definitely a pleaser, appeaser, and compromiser. Go along to get along. And even worse always putting my needs last after everyone else - even random strangers. I decided a couple of years ago (I'm 60 now) to cut it out. I picked a couple of role models to emulate - not narcissists or selfish people, just people who don't constantly look around to see if they need to help someone or get out of someone's way or whatever like I do. But I have to say old habits die hard.
I'm a librarian, and a month or so ago I was looking through the books at Goodwill trying to find some good mysteries. A customer asked if I worked there. I had to resist the urge to say, "Can I help you with something?" and just say, "No, I don't." And even then I felt like I'd let the guy down. lol...
I think the key is noticing you're doing it and deciding how to act. You may even choose to do the same thing you would have done previously but with the awareness you've made a choice in line with your values not that you were compelled by someone else.
I actually would love to see Byron Katie do a role play of a trans teen talking to a "non-affirming" parent. I'd love to see her do it with her playing the role of the teen and then the parent.
In this article, you are really going for the jugular, and you do it very effectively. I figured out myself that there is an exhibitionistic quality to transgender people, that transgender people are somewhat like entertainers who NEED the affirmation of the people they are performing for, but you delve into the psychology much more deeply than I ever have. You've given me extra ammunition to use in my arguments. Blaire White, a trans activist who agrees with you about these things, made the point in one of her videos that trans people are trying to deconstruct the world in their quest for acceptance, that they are expecting the world to meet THEM on THEIR turf -- which is pretty nervy given that they constitute 1% of the population, if that.
I'm going to use this opportunity to express my anger at CNN for posting an article about supporting LGBT children (authored by Rachel Fadem, obviously a trans-brainwashed zombie liberal). The article, of course, is full of bullshit. Among other people it describes a 19-year-old boy who decided to "come out" to his family as trans, and told his family to call him "zie", "zem" and "zeir". Ms. Fadem doesn't seem to understand that any person who is so phony and manipulative as to invent silly pronouns for himself is not having an authentic experience. Fadem then says, "It’s been hard for the teen to come out to zeir mother, especially as non-binary, because the mother often misgenders people and calls them their old names rather than their preferred names. Alex said that is demoralizing to zem." After reading that, I wasn't sure if I should laugh or throw up.
In Fadem's world, young children have all the wisdom and insight, and they tell their parents what "gender" means and how the parents should behave.
“Trans-brainwashed zombie liberal” makes me want to laugh and cry, both, for its succinctness and accuracy. The consequences for these kids after they transition, from total loss of sensation to regret, is not being considered by the vociferous elements of this movement. The consequences for the rest of us seem to be considered acceptable collateral damage. I feel in addition to undermining women’s rights, the rights of the LGB community are also being attacked. It’s odd, because the greatest threat to all of us via violence comes from straight guys. However, violence perpetrated by men on women, LGB and trans people is not the central focus for campaigns by radical trans activists. One can’t but help to question their strategy, if not also their intentions. I keep bringing up Iran, because transgender surgery there is mandatory for gay people and our country is sliding into dangerously Taliban flavored territory.
Yikes. I had no idea that was going on in Iran. That's horrendous. Homosexuality, it would seem, is more objectionable to Muslims (and probably Christians too) than being trans. A homosexual, at least, is a whole person who hasn't been mutilated or changed. As a gay man, I can tell you that gay men don't want to be women in any way. They just want to be allowed to have their feelings as the men they are.
Isn't this a horrible world where people treat each other so badly?
By the way, I am a liberal myself, but I'm not a stupid liberal who believes in nonsense. And you are right: It is heterosexual men who do most of the damage in the world. (Having said that, however, there have been some pretty awful gay men in the world, like a few serial killers who preyed on boys and young men.)
The real culprit, in my view, is testosterone. If there were a way to simply tamp down the effects of testosterone so that men were not quite so violent, I might support it.
I watch a ton of true-crime shows, and they can be quite revealing. There are a LOT of men in the world who murder once or twice and then don't do it again. The stories of some of these murders are interesting because, in the midst of what seemed to be normal lives, they suddenly felt the need to kill, and they didn't stop themselves. Genealogical DNA is revealing that there are a lot of murderers among us.
Regarding trans people, I'm not sure what to say. They have gotten a taste of social and political power, and they want to leverage it. The most destructive thing they are doing is spreading the idea that if you have any trans feelings at all, that makes you trans -- to hell with the complicated human mind and/or the possibility of other motives. To hell with psychology.
I read a story about a child who expressed her trans feelings to an authority figure (a teacher or counselor or something). The parent, a single mother, didn't want her daughter's trans feelings to be encouraged, so they took the daughter away from her, and the daughter eventually committed suicide. That happened in California. So, in California at least, trans ideology is being enforced by law.
It is very, very important that we keep calling transgenderism a cult. To defeat it, we must ruin its good (and undeserved) reputation.
It's just gay MEN that are targeted for coerced transition-as-conversion-therapy by the Iranian government—not all homosexual people.
Under the laws of the revolutionary (since 1979) government of Iran, homosexual sex is a capital crime across the board—but for Lesbians that's been a dead letter since the day it was written, because the verification of the criminalized act requires the testimony of 4 male witnesses.
Any man who purported to provide such testimony would himself be self-incriminating for other serious crimes under the Iranian code, centered on the idea of "outraging a Woman's modesty", so Lesbian sex is, de facto, condoned by the law.
I think it may also be true, above and beyond the above, that the Iranian legal code defines "sex" by way of penetration with a penis (the same way UK criminal law defines rape). If this is true then it further insulates Lesbians from criminal exposure for engaging in intimacy with one another.
I'm not sure to what extent, or even whether, transing Girls or Women (into 'trans men') is a possibility in the Iranian medical sphere.
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Pink News has been a fully captured, radicalized mouthpiece of the TRA movement for some years now—sadly, given its origins in the movement for LG(maybe B, not rlly sure there) rights. It is the absolute furthest thing imaginable from a reputable source.
Psychotherapy and spiritual practice both teach us that the path to end suffering is to disidentify with labels and sub personalities and to care less about how others see us. Our perception of how the world sees us is just a projection of how we feel about ourselves anyway. Offence cannot be given, it can only be taken. This need to be regarded a certain way by others is non-acceptance of self and the more it's encouraged the unhappier the person will become.
I may identify as a cat but you are not obliged to allow me to stay in your cattery; locking me up in a cage would indeed not be in my actual best interests.
Beautifully put, Eliza. This is at the heart of my objection to all the identity clamour. One of my parents falsely identified themselves as a loving, caring person and everyone was obliged to shore up and maintain this person's idea of themselves, to the point of ignoring all evidence to the contrary. This is common with narcissists, I am reliably informed. It is an upside down world where we have to ignore what we see, hear and think in order to sustain what is essentially a lie., and being quite severely punished or shunned if we do not. It was damaging to me as a child and I have spent many, many years living with the results of my early indoctrination and being treated as if I was only there to reflect the greater glory of another. I can no longer do it, for my own sake.
I'm sorry you grew up with a narcissistic parent. I've had some narcissists in my life, but thank god not the people who were helping shape my self-image as a child. And, you're right, dealing with a narcissist is crazy making. Up is down. Black is white. And the rules change all the time - always to the benefit of the narcissist.
I just posted this on Facebook; to me, it was an elegantly-stated, well-reasoned piece that made some good points.
To several of my Facebook friends, it was "hot TERF garbage". They played the old "You support denying trans people their right to exist!" card, as well as the "How is this different from how racists feel about black people? How is this different from how the Nazis feel about the Jews? Would you engage them in debate about the right of blacks and Jews to exist?" card.
I don't think I'll ever quite understand how saying "Someone's self-identified reality isn't necessarily my reality, their self-perception isn't my perception of them, and I shouldn't be forced to comply with their reality and self-perception" is the same as saying "They don't have the right to exist!"
Anyone know any good way to point out to them how these two statements aren't the same, in a way that will resonate?
The two people who replied when I posted your article are folks I know to be very smart, intellectual people, who have always been reasonable in debates we've had (though very opinionated). One of them ended the conversation thus:
"I have several trans members of *my family*, and many more in my community. I take umbrage at your position. You don't care about my family and community enough to use their pronouns. I'm just too disgusted to even continue this conversation. I don't know how to tell you that you need to care about other people. I'm disappointed you don't care about my family and friends, but I can't change you. You're not required to like them. You're not required to be nice to people. You're not required to be kind. You're not required to respect people's identities. You're not required to care what happens to weaker people. I guess you're going to see where that leads you. Best of luck."
So basically, he was saying that if I don't agree with him on this topic, I am a terrible human being who doesn't care about other people. The extremity of these kinds of reactions, and the unwillingness - or just pure inability - to take a step back to discuss them as topics separate for their own personal passion about them, leaves me aghast. I can discuss ANY topic with some distance, even if it deeply personally effects me. So the attitude this fellow has is very foreign to me.
My response to his comment was this:
"I don't know your family and friends; I've never met them, I have no connection with them. For you to take umbrage at my opinions regarding these individuals, when I've never had any interactions with them, seems kind of insane.
I certainly care about people; but my beliefs about what reality IS, preclude my privileging anyone's feelings over my perception of reality. In a battle between someone's feelings and my perception of reality, my perception of reality always will and must win, for me to have integrity in my own mind.
If you observed how I treat people in their presence, and you saw me to be kind and respectful, what would you think, knowing how I feel about this subject philosophically? Am I bad for engaging in some kind of "wrongthink", no matter how I treated people when I'm around them?"
Transgenderism behaves much like a religion in the way it attempts to legislate belief. If enough people can be browbeaten into going along with it, soon it will be accepted as truth by the mainstream, and dissenters will be vilified as heretics.
Brava! Nailed it. 🙌🏼 This is one of those few essays that I want to show my daughter… always hesitant because of the potential for relationship rupture but a mom can dream… so many great points.
Controlling people's thoughts, education, literacy, and speech are all tools of oppression. If someone has beliefs or opinions you object to and you see them as an equal, you can respectfully debate them or choose not to associate with them. Forcing someone to comply with your wishes and to pay lip service to your beliefs is typically the way one treats someone they view as less-than.
Superb, as always! I particularly like this sentence: "But the particular fragility of gender identities and their bearers requires the construction and maintenance of a psychic exoskeleton, the upkeep of which requires the outside world to participate." Psychic exoskeleton is such a great metaphor! It beautifully expresses the insight that maintaining a delusional gender identity requires continuous support from outside the individual.
It's worth noting that this feature of personal identity is by no means peculiar to gender ideology. In fact, it's arguably a universal characteristic that applies to all human identities. A cursory enumeration of the necessary elements that combine to form the personal identity of any one of us reveals that far more originates outside our own psyches than within us. The very language we must use to describe ourselves, both to others and to ourselves, is structured by the societies and cultures we inhabit. Our names, nationalities, core values, social standing, and so much more, are all bequeathed on us by the peculiar situations we were born into. All of us depend on a psychic exoskeleton for our identities.
The significant difference for gender ideology is that it aims to replace the biological constant of *sex* with the culturally constituted fiction of *gender*. (This isn't to say that gender is *entirely* independent from sex, only that gender is a cultural superstructure of concepts, roles, and generalizations, only loosely based on biological sex.) As a result, "gender identity" has no objectively verifiable, physical basis, independent of the mind and cannot be maintained for long without external validation. Those aspects of our identities that are based on biological sex, from birth forwards, are independently verifiable every time we pee.
Look at their language.
"This makes me feel"
"That is so triggering"
All of this goes against the cognitive behavioral therapy movement of the last 40 years: much of what bothers us is our interpretation of events, not the events themselves. I think you can take that a bit far: being in a concentration camp, or enslaved, or raped, *is* inherently traumatic--but most of life isn't that extreme. CBT is applicable to the overwhelming quotidian--which requires tremendous strength to endure. The every day slings & arrows of fortune... CBT has helped me develop boundaries and brush aside so much static and trivia.
According to CBT, you're not triggered: you choose to be triggered. No one is "making you feel" anything: you choose to feel dissed, misgendered, aggrieved, etc.
In the trans-identified world, everything is a micro-aggression waiting to happen.
I felt the same when I first heard about ‘trigger warnings’. I remember thinking wtf? The world is one giant grab bag of triggers. Men are guilty of more micro-aggressions and actual physical aggressions toward women and transwomen than any woman could be toward transwomen. Going to school with boys, for me, was extremely unpleasant. I’m on the spectrum and many of them were mean, because I was in ‘their’ math classes, math club or quiz team, but wasn’t acceptably nerdy, ie didn’t play magic or d&d. Football players sexually harassed most girls. Teachers, mostly women, only seemed interested in reprimanding girls for dress code infractions or merely speaking. Rarely did I see boys get in trouble, even when caught cheating. Young women are more susceptible to attacks on their character, body and confidence, than most mature women, yet it is young girls and women in schools being forced to put up with this, as most schools are prison-like environments where you are forced to interact with the same people for four years. Where will they be able to go to escape boys, if they can come into their bathrooms and locker rooms?
The gay friends I had in school were a refuge from the straight boys and I never knew a girl at that age to reject one’s presence in the changing room in theater class or on girls night, but we knew them personally. Growing up with someone, you really get to know them and none of them would ever have tried to compete against the girls in track. If anything, they preferred away games and sleepovers with other boys, for obvious reasons.
However, many of these transwomen are attracted to women and want to participate in sex segregated school sports? It seems like an obvious subterfuge to gain access to spaces where women retreat to get away from the male gaze and sexual advances. Appropriating girls sports seems designed to kill one of the few places in schools where girls can build their confidence. It may be a coincidence, but that consequence still can’t be brushed aside to accommodate a few boys.
I'm a gay man. A term has been coined to describe heterosexual men who seek to transition to being female because they get a sexual thrill from it, so yes, it is often straight men who are intent on becoming women, although I know of many gay men who have also made the switch. I have noticed that many trans women are contemptuous of natural women, and I wonder if those are the ones who were misogynistic when they were men.
On behalf of gay men, I'm glad to hear that they treated you better than the straight boys when you were in school.
Thank you. The trend has continued well into adulthood. I hope I was the same for them.
I'm 71. I wasn't "out" in high school (no one was "out" back then). I'm not sure which trend you mean. -- Oh, sorry, I misread your comment. I think I know what you mean now.
CBT changed my life 20 years ago. The constant stress of living, wondering all the time what people thought of me, if I had upset them, would ruin my day and reinforce insecurities I thought I had. Worrying constantly about trivial inconsequential issues (like pronouns) is a sure sign of depression and mental health worries.
In every book and session about psychotherapy, inner child work, etc there is a clear message that says 'If you expect the world to change to match the way you feel you're going to have a very difficult life'. Said like that it reminds us all how very infantile the whole thing is, and how deeply destructive to the world at large.
Like all abusers: if they can get you to lie to yourself through their own gaslighting of your reality, they can get you to do anything.
Yes! I keep thinking of Byron Katie and Eckart Tolle. Radical Acceptance. “When you argue with reality you lose, but only 100% of the time.”
Eckhart Tolle, Byron Katie, Stoicism, and my therapist are all singing from the same choir book with this one. The only little bit of control I have over the world is the amount of control I have over myself. Every time I let myself get caught up with how everyone else "should" act or how things "should" be I make myself miserable. Every time.
It's terribly sad that some people are being told that outsourcing their happiness to other people is the way to go.
I keep reading passages of the Tao and reminding myself of this! The shoulds! Yes. It’s been my mission in life to take responsibility for my own happiness and not feel responsible for others feelings after decades of living as a miserable victim. Years of therapy and self investigation have led to an empowered liberated life. And then I watch my kid living by the opposite tenets. And then it’s like, how do I stay in my sanity and help her out of her insanity? That’s the journey.
HUGS!
🤗
So true Rebecca. It makes me miserable too. As women being socialised from birth to please and compromise, it's incredibly difficult for many of us to even realise we are doing it. I am very glad I am aware these days!
Girls and women are forced to live with a constant juxtaposition of “being kind” and also having our antennas up for any sense of danger. I taught my girls, now in their 30s, to trust their instincts. Girls today are being taught to disregard those in order to not accidentally hurting the feelings of a man. Fuck that.
Yep, I'm definitely a pleaser, appeaser, and compromiser. Go along to get along. And even worse always putting my needs last after everyone else - even random strangers. I decided a couple of years ago (I'm 60 now) to cut it out. I picked a couple of role models to emulate - not narcissists or selfish people, just people who don't constantly look around to see if they need to help someone or get out of someone's way or whatever like I do. But I have to say old habits die hard.
I'm a librarian, and a month or so ago I was looking through the books at Goodwill trying to find some good mysteries. A customer asked if I worked there. I had to resist the urge to say, "Can I help you with something?" and just say, "No, I don't." And even then I felt like I'd let the guy down. lol...
Oh it's maddening isn't it? Glad you're getting better at it though!!
I think the key is noticing you're doing it and deciding how to act. You may even choose to do the same thing you would have done previously but with the awareness you've made a choice in line with your values not that you were compelled by someone else.
I actually would love to see Byron Katie do a role play of a trans teen talking to a "non-affirming" parent. I'd love to see her do it with her playing the role of the teen and then the parent.
Ah yes, I have always called that a case of the ‘shoulds’.
haha amazing!
Yeah more self help than psychotherapy but same tune! 🤙🏼
and it's the right tune! :D
So true! Entitlement + aggression = one of the most destructive forces on earth.
In this article, you are really going for the jugular, and you do it very effectively. I figured out myself that there is an exhibitionistic quality to transgender people, that transgender people are somewhat like entertainers who NEED the affirmation of the people they are performing for, but you delve into the psychology much more deeply than I ever have. You've given me extra ammunition to use in my arguments. Blaire White, a trans activist who agrees with you about these things, made the point in one of her videos that trans people are trying to deconstruct the world in their quest for acceptance, that they are expecting the world to meet THEM on THEIR turf -- which is pretty nervy given that they constitute 1% of the population, if that.
I'm going to use this opportunity to express my anger at CNN for posting an article about supporting LGBT children (authored by Rachel Fadem, obviously a trans-brainwashed zombie liberal). The article, of course, is full of bullshit. Among other people it describes a 19-year-old boy who decided to "come out" to his family as trans, and told his family to call him "zie", "zem" and "zeir". Ms. Fadem doesn't seem to understand that any person who is so phony and manipulative as to invent silly pronouns for himself is not having an authentic experience. Fadem then says, "It’s been hard for the teen to come out to zeir mother, especially as non-binary, because the mother often misgenders people and calls them their old names rather than their preferred names. Alex said that is demoralizing to zem." After reading that, I wasn't sure if I should laugh or throw up.
In Fadem's world, young children have all the wisdom and insight, and they tell their parents what "gender" means and how the parents should behave.
“Trans-brainwashed zombie liberal” makes me want to laugh and cry, both, for its succinctness and accuracy. The consequences for these kids after they transition, from total loss of sensation to regret, is not being considered by the vociferous elements of this movement. The consequences for the rest of us seem to be considered acceptable collateral damage. I feel in addition to undermining women’s rights, the rights of the LGB community are also being attacked. It’s odd, because the greatest threat to all of us via violence comes from straight guys. However, violence perpetrated by men on women, LGB and trans people is not the central focus for campaigns by radical trans activists. One can’t but help to question their strategy, if not also their intentions. I keep bringing up Iran, because transgender surgery there is mandatory for gay people and our country is sliding into dangerously Taliban flavored territory.
Yikes. I had no idea that was going on in Iran. That's horrendous. Homosexuality, it would seem, is more objectionable to Muslims (and probably Christians too) than being trans. A homosexual, at least, is a whole person who hasn't been mutilated or changed. As a gay man, I can tell you that gay men don't want to be women in any way. They just want to be allowed to have their feelings as the men they are.
Isn't this a horrible world where people treat each other so badly?
By the way, I am a liberal myself, but I'm not a stupid liberal who believes in nonsense. And you are right: It is heterosexual men who do most of the damage in the world. (Having said that, however, there have been some pretty awful gay men in the world, like a few serial killers who preyed on boys and young men.)
The real culprit, in my view, is testosterone. If there were a way to simply tamp down the effects of testosterone so that men were not quite so violent, I might support it.
I watch a ton of true-crime shows, and they can be quite revealing. There are a LOT of men in the world who murder once or twice and then don't do it again. The stories of some of these murders are interesting because, in the midst of what seemed to be normal lives, they suddenly felt the need to kill, and they didn't stop themselves. Genealogical DNA is revealing that there are a lot of murderers among us.
Regarding trans people, I'm not sure what to say. They have gotten a taste of social and political power, and they want to leverage it. The most destructive thing they are doing is spreading the idea that if you have any trans feelings at all, that makes you trans -- to hell with the complicated human mind and/or the possibility of other motives. To hell with psychology.
I read a story about a child who expressed her trans feelings to an authority figure (a teacher or counselor or something). The parent, a single mother, didn't want her daughter's trans feelings to be encouraged, so they took the daughter away from her, and the daughter eventually committed suicide. That happened in California. So, in California at least, trans ideology is being enforced by law.
It is very, very important that we keep calling transgenderism a cult. To defeat it, we must ruin its good (and undeserved) reputation.
It is horrendous. This article has some disturbing elements. I also saw a documentary about refugees from this policy living in Turkey.
https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/02/22/iran-gay-forced-gender-reassignment-surgery-the-sun/
Thanks for providing the link. However, I started reading and then stopped because they are calling gay people "queer", which in my opinion is a slur.
It's just gay MEN that are targeted for coerced transition-as-conversion-therapy by the Iranian government—not all homosexual people.
Under the laws of the revolutionary (since 1979) government of Iran, homosexual sex is a capital crime across the board—but for Lesbians that's been a dead letter since the day it was written, because the verification of the criminalized act requires the testimony of 4 male witnesses.
Any man who purported to provide such testimony would himself be self-incriminating for other serious crimes under the Iranian code, centered on the idea of "outraging a Woman's modesty", so Lesbian sex is, de facto, condoned by the law.
I think it may also be true, above and beyond the above, that the Iranian legal code defines "sex" by way of penetration with a penis (the same way UK criminal law defines rape). If this is true then it further insulates Lesbians from criminal exposure for engaging in intimacy with one another.
I'm not sure to what extent, or even whether, transing Girls or Women (into 'trans men') is a possibility in the Iranian medical sphere.
.
Pink News has been a fully captured, radicalized mouthpiece of the TRA movement for some years now—sadly, given its origins in the movement for LG(maybe B, not rlly sure there) rights. It is the absolute furthest thing imaginable from a reputable source.
Hiya,
Psychotherapy and spiritual practice both teach us that the path to end suffering is to disidentify with labels and sub personalities and to care less about how others see us. Our perception of how the world sees us is just a projection of how we feel about ourselves anyway. Offence cannot be given, it can only be taken. This need to be regarded a certain way by others is non-acceptance of self and the more it's encouraged the unhappier the person will become.
I may identify as a cat but you are not obliged to allow me to stay in your cattery; locking me up in a cage would indeed not be in my actual best interests.
Jo
I will not give up my sexed language to appease people who deny their sex.
Good word, "appease". That's what they really want, isn't it? The smallest, most ridiculous minority in the world, and they want to be appeased.
Beautifully put, Eliza. This is at the heart of my objection to all the identity clamour. One of my parents falsely identified themselves as a loving, caring person and everyone was obliged to shore up and maintain this person's idea of themselves, to the point of ignoring all evidence to the contrary. This is common with narcissists, I am reliably informed. It is an upside down world where we have to ignore what we see, hear and think in order to sustain what is essentially a lie., and being quite severely punished or shunned if we do not. It was damaging to me as a child and I have spent many, many years living with the results of my early indoctrination and being treated as if I was only there to reflect the greater glory of another. I can no longer do it, for my own sake.
I'm sorry you grew up with a narcissistic parent. I've had some narcissists in my life, but thank god not the people who were helping shape my self-image as a child. And, you're right, dealing with a narcissist is crazy making. Up is down. Black is white. And the rules change all the time - always to the benefit of the narcissist.
What a splendid and clear description of the problem. And the interesting thing is that it can apply to any group or body of thought. Chapeau!
Fabulous piece, if I may say so.
Sincerely,
Napoleon Bonaparte
(remember to address me as that, or else)
I just posted this on Facebook; to me, it was an elegantly-stated, well-reasoned piece that made some good points.
To several of my Facebook friends, it was "hot TERF garbage". They played the old "You support denying trans people their right to exist!" card, as well as the "How is this different from how racists feel about black people? How is this different from how the Nazis feel about the Jews? Would you engage them in debate about the right of blacks and Jews to exist?" card.
I don't think I'll ever quite understand how saying "Someone's self-identified reality isn't necessarily my reality, their self-perception isn't my perception of them, and I shouldn't be forced to comply with their reality and self-perception" is the same as saying "They don't have the right to exist!"
Anyone know any good way to point out to them how these two statements aren't the same, in a way that will resonate?
They've been indoctrinated to hear "I disagree" as "I hate..." or "I don't see you that way" as "You shouldn't exist."
The two people who replied when I posted your article are folks I know to be very smart, intellectual people, who have always been reasonable in debates we've had (though very opinionated). One of them ended the conversation thus:
"I have several trans members of *my family*, and many more in my community. I take umbrage at your position. You don't care about my family and community enough to use their pronouns. I'm just too disgusted to even continue this conversation. I don't know how to tell you that you need to care about other people. I'm disappointed you don't care about my family and friends, but I can't change you. You're not required to like them. You're not required to be nice to people. You're not required to be kind. You're not required to respect people's identities. You're not required to care what happens to weaker people. I guess you're going to see where that leads you. Best of luck."
So basically, he was saying that if I don't agree with him on this topic, I am a terrible human being who doesn't care about other people. The extremity of these kinds of reactions, and the unwillingness - or just pure inability - to take a step back to discuss them as topics separate for their own personal passion about them, leaves me aghast. I can discuss ANY topic with some distance, even if it deeply personally effects me. So the attitude this fellow has is very foreign to me.
My response to his comment was this:
"I don't know your family and friends; I've never met them, I have no connection with them. For you to take umbrage at my opinions regarding these individuals, when I've never had any interactions with them, seems kind of insane.
I certainly care about people; but my beliefs about what reality IS, preclude my privileging anyone's feelings over my perception of reality. In a battle between someone's feelings and my perception of reality, my perception of reality always will and must win, for me to have integrity in my own mind.
If you observed how I treat people in their presence, and you saw me to be kind and respectful, what would you think, knowing how I feel about this subject philosophically? Am I bad for engaging in some kind of "wrongthink", no matter how I treated people when I'm around them?"
I'm really sorry you got this kind of treatment. I've had it, too (e.g., https://elizamondegreen.substack.com/p/to-an-old-friend)... it's surreal to experience.
Yeah, quite surreal. It makes me wonder what planet I'm on. :-/
I'll take a look at that post, thanks!
Transgenderism behaves much like a religion in the way it attempts to legislate belief. If enough people can be browbeaten into going along with it, soon it will be accepted as truth by the mainstream, and dissenters will be vilified as heretics.
Brava! Nailed it. 🙌🏼 This is one of those few essays that I want to show my daughter… always hesitant because of the potential for relationship rupture but a mom can dream… so many great points.
I'm right there with you. I'm wondering how to slide a few of the best points into our conversations.
Controlling people's thoughts, education, literacy, and speech are all tools of oppression. If someone has beliefs or opinions you object to and you see them as an equal, you can respectfully debate them or choose not to associate with them. Forcing someone to comply with your wishes and to pay lip service to your beliefs is typically the way one treats someone they view as less-than.
So very spot-on. Thank you for again posting what I wholeheartedly agree with, but have never articulated.
Superb, as always! I particularly like this sentence: "But the particular fragility of gender identities and their bearers requires the construction and maintenance of a psychic exoskeleton, the upkeep of which requires the outside world to participate." Psychic exoskeleton is such a great metaphor! It beautifully expresses the insight that maintaining a delusional gender identity requires continuous support from outside the individual.
It's worth noting that this feature of personal identity is by no means peculiar to gender ideology. In fact, it's arguably a universal characteristic that applies to all human identities. A cursory enumeration of the necessary elements that combine to form the personal identity of any one of us reveals that far more originates outside our own psyches than within us. The very language we must use to describe ourselves, both to others and to ourselves, is structured by the societies and cultures we inhabit. Our names, nationalities, core values, social standing, and so much more, are all bequeathed on us by the peculiar situations we were born into. All of us depend on a psychic exoskeleton for our identities.
The significant difference for gender ideology is that it aims to replace the biological constant of *sex* with the culturally constituted fiction of *gender*. (This isn't to say that gender is *entirely* independent from sex, only that gender is a cultural superstructure of concepts, roles, and generalizations, only loosely based on biological sex.) As a result, "gender identity" has no objectively verifiable, physical basis, independent of the mind and cannot be maintained for long without external validation. Those aspects of our identities that are based on biological sex, from birth forwards, are independently verifiable every time we pee.
This is perhaps your best post yet.
Excellent piece, thank you.