Aug 8, 2022·edited Aug 8, 2022Liked by Eliza Mondegreen

The answer to existential unhappiness is surely not to mutilate one's body or to annihilate one's marriage; these cases don't even seem to have particularly bad spousal relationships.

Are they simply unhappy with their lot? Why do they feel the need to 'rip it all up and start again', instead of finding less destructive ways to change their situation?

Before 'Trans' ('BT'), the usual solution would have been to find some fulfilment within the marriage by changing career, taking an educational course, or perhaps even simply by changing lifestyle - which seem to be reasonable actions.

After 'Trans', the solution becomes something that does not lie outside one's self and within the marriage - the answer is now seen as originating internally - with only a hazy understanding of what this implies - and as something that cannot exist within the marriage.

Are they rejecting their sexuality? Their marriage? Their sex? It's such an extreme phenomenon. Thanks for covering it!

Thought-provoking stuff. Thanks Eliza.

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"...what name to give this problem." -- Maybe it's "the problem without a name", the feminine mystique. I started reading Friedan's book because I thought it would be a good history lesson but a lot of it rings true today. Middle class white women suffering from some vague malaise, needing more of an identity than wife and mother. Instead of pushing back against sexist gender roles, they do what any "good woman" does -- blame themselves. They search for what's "wrong" with them and SURPRISE! Find a solution in a bottle. But it's not barbiturates like the old days or antidepressants, it's testosterone and surgery. But like any "solution" offered by patriarchy, it invariably feeds you right back into the same system (and apparently, jerking off at grandma's house).

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Aug 8, 2022Liked by Eliza Mondegreen

Is this the new mid-life crisis? It sounds soooo familiar! Our parents/older relatives used to get a lover, mess up their families, divorce their husbands, move away from their young adult children, protest in some form or another. Now, our friends are cutting off their breasts and think they are men trapped in the wrong body. Of course, it only happens in "advanced" countries, as women in other parts of the world are too busy surviving to think of ways to escape an "oppressive society". Where did we go wrong?

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Fascinating to read this, and thank you for shining a light on this little-reported group of women.

The similarities in the backgrounds of the women are striking. The question is: are these just the women most likely to write about their experience? Are there many others with completely different backgrounds? Socio-economic, race, political affiliation?

Are we just not hearing about these other late-transitioning women from different backgrounds?

I think it unlikely, but how would we know?

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(Banned)Aug 8, 2022Liked by Eliza Mondegreen

It's telling that the sample population are politically on the Far Left. It is one more tell indicating that the transvestite shtik is contrived. Were it naturally occuring than relative worldview wouldn't show up in the numbers. The Southern Poverty Law Center defines a hate group as an organization which openly espouses opposition to a class of people with an immutable trait. Transvestites don't have an immutable trait, they have a sexual fetish some are exploiting for identity politics. People should be able to freely and fairly criticize "dragqueen story hours" without being targeted by law enforcement or demonized by leftists as if rounding them up. There are valid reasons not to have "dragqueen story hour." Two of the story hour dragqueens are convicted child molesters. What does it say that the others knowingly invited them to meet little kids? Treating concern as a "homophobic" or "transphobic" stereotype is unfair, counterproductive, and retaliatory. It has a chilling effect, as if attempting to discredit whistleblowers with character assassination. Someone is born black. Unless they are Michael Jackson, they can't change their skin. Doing a bad impersonation of a woman for the lewd gratification of the experience and involving bystanders is not a "driving while black" type of situation. Exhibitionist voyeurs are peeping in women's bathrooms and cozying up to kids in local libraries with clear predatory intent. It's hardly gaybashing to vocally oppose these schemes.

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(Banned)Aug 8, 2022·edited Aug 8, 2022Liked by Eliza Mondegreen

This piece raises an issue frequently left out of the debate: the cost of the alt lifestyle on betrayed and abandoned spouses. When the media tells these stories, the focus is always on the fetishist seeking attention with a journey of self-discovery spin. No consideration is given to jilted and broken families. There is something to be said for staying married. I guess the other side of that would be that the fantasists were trapped in bad marriages just as they are supposedly "trapped inside the wrong body." It's possible they could have worked things out. Why trick a person into opening up their heart to you and dedicating their life to you only to use your darkest desires as an excuse to throw them away after you used them up? A lot of husbands look at online pornography without actually chasing some strange on the side. Not every fantasy has to be acted out or all-consuming. It's not surprising that the example of later in life transvestitism is depicted here as a fad. That mirrors the memetic character of childhood gender confusion, though the latter barely stands a chance when they are groomed.

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Whenever I see stories like this I always wonder "why not me"? I'm a middle-aged woman who has had gender dysphoria my whole life. I never "felt like a girl", and it horrified my mother who tried to force me into being more girly because she was panicked about "what I would become" - no idea what she meant by that but my parents were very religious and conservative so I would assume she meant I wouldn't find a conservative, religious husband and pop out conservative, religious children. I was a tomboy through and through and had very "male" interests - ended up becoming an engineer and working in tech in 90% male environments long before it was cool. Luckily(?) I was the oldest of 5 kids so my parents didn't have a ton of time to overparent me and this was before social media. So there was no childhood transition, I don't like being a girl/woman but accept it as my reality.

When I was 40 I lost a job that I'd had for 15 years and found out I had a chronic pain condition that had been affecting me my whole life (so similar to some of the stories posted as examples!) . I was depressed, angry at losing my job so unfairly (layoff), was in pain constantly, and had pretty serious identity issues. Absolutely textbook mid-life crisis. But I didn't transition. I actually even started reading some transition narratives and played around with the ideas for awhile during that time before concluding that it just wasn't for me, that transition wasn't real and doing that wouldn't solve anything. I had to come to terms emotionally with my new path in life, and I did. It took about two years to come out the other side.

I just wonder - why not me? I have so many things in common with these women but I have no interest in transitioning at all. And I'm not a "no internet" person, but I do avoid mainstream social media like the plague. Maybe that's it?

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ahh yes, you've found my entire group of friends, I see lmao although most of them do the non-binary safe version. I'm about the only woman left standing anymore, it's so disappointing. The more I liked a woman and thought she was cool, the faster she ditched womanhood. the only people in my social circles who haven't succumbed are the ones I only tolerated bc they were friends with other women I liked, so I feel very....abandoned. Like they ditched me over here in the inferior Mom and Wife and Woman roles all alone. (I try to convince myself that they're not inferior roles, but emotionally I don't actually believe myself when I say it. but it was easier to sometimes believe it when I had other cool women friends.)

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Aug 19, 2022Liked by Eliza Mondegreen

"Self-identified progressive but basically a normie until Trump got elected in 2016 or until May 2020 if a little slow on the uptake"

Have you thought about doing comedy?

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Thank you for sharing your sources, Eliza! I took the chance to read some of these reddit posts and... OMG! The answers to the question "what makes you feel like a guy" are so illuminating!!!!! Like this one: "I should have answer for that right??? Because I don't. I mean, I know I feel very uncomfortable as a woman. I know I Hate my female body (hips, chest thighs), and I know I feel very naked with my lack of body and facial hair.... But....is that what makes me feel like im a guy? I definitely get along more with men then women and always have." It is unbelievable, really! https://www.reddit.com/r/FTMOver30/comments/vwpsxf/what_makes_you_feel_like_a_guy/

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Aug 8, 2022·edited Aug 9, 2022

I'm confused. These "women' shouldn't be able to just 'jack off'. From what I understand, it's impossible to create a fake yet functional penis. (I can't believe I'm actually writing that sentence.)

Please tell me these stories came out of a porn-addled tim's sick imagination.

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Just reading these makes me want to cry. While I am a heterosexual female, I can identify with these women better than any of my friends. I am nearing 60 and just very recently began the hard climb up to the surface. I am trying to know me, the me before I was 17 and his wife, 23 and mommy, divorced and his girl, married again and his old lady. Right out of a freaking Lifetime movie. The obstacles are everywhere I turn. Too many "concerned" individuals asking if I have lost my mind, or the dreaded "Can I ask you a question?" Really just pisses me off. Excuse the language please. They say I am doing it wrong, or look what your losing. That's how we're supposed to do it. I am screaming!!! Don't you get it, I am not giving anything away anymore, In fact I am gaining. Awe well that was my rant. Thank you for reminding me that we are never alone, even if we are lonely

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Where did you come across these stories? Jesus! If this were the 70s they’d have flocked to est. if I come across one of these gals in my life I might barf. It’s enough with the teenagers. I find this utterly, morbidly, hilariously fascinating.

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It seems to me that Eliza is questioning whether these women are having real experiences, or whether their desire to transition is something else masquerading as gender dysphoria. When it comes to older people who have transitioned (or say they want to), I try not to question their motives too much. They are adults and fully responsible for themselves, and if this is the path they want to take, so be it. As an anti-transgender activist, my focus is on fighting transgender ideology, and on protecting children from harm. I do believe that there are people in the world who really do have gender dysphoria, and as long as they are fully responsible adults, I say, let them do with their lives what they want.

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Eliza, et al, I think you might like Freddie de Boer's column today, about how too-online people are making identities out of ADHD, and attributing all manner of normal human challenges to their diagnosis.


I would also compare the phenomenon of middle-age women (and some men, too, that I know) all of a sudden deciding they're trans to the 80's and early 90's phenomenon of "recovered memory". I personally knew several women who "uncovered" putative memories of abuse which they had "repressed" until their 30's, 40's or 50's, always- ALWAYS- with the help of therapists who suggested that their malaise, or unhappiness, or marriage problems, or whatever, could have its roots in childhood abuse.

Please note, I am not, in no way, not in the slightest, saying that child abuse- of the sexual, physical, or emotional variety- isn't real. But in my job, I've worked with any number of people who have gone through terrible traumas- even child refugees from the Shoah- and the thing is, none of them had repressed memories that they needed help recovering. They needed help forgetting.

This is why I compare middle age gender transitioners to those who had "recovered memories"; I see people suffering the ordinary suffering of life, finding out that their dreams aren't going to all come true, that the body breaks down over time, that partners and children often disappoint us, that careers get stuck and plateau, that life isn't as exciting in one's 40's as it was in one's early 20's. . . and turning to some magical answer to explain it all in one big swoop.

I also agree with the commenter who said that this partially about the race to be more oppressed than others. I was speaking to a graduate of a well-known very liberal theological seminary and the (the non-binary person with whom I was speaking) called it an "oppression Olympics," where ordinary nice white folks HAVE to find some way they're not just ordinary white folks who would thus lack moral or epistemic credibility compared to BIPOC, Queer or trans folks.

Thank you, Eliza, for fighting the good fight. I'm the proud dad of two beautiful pre-teen children and I think every day how to keep them connected to themselves in such a way that they can resist some of the unhealthy tides of our society.

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Who are the god-awful therapists that these women see? What kind of therapist tells a person to start taking testosterone? Is it some sort of evil hypnotherapy?

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