I’m revisiting (and revising) this old Substack because of how it follows from yesterday’s post about indoctrination. I just watched Cluniac’s video where he responds to FTM vlogger Jackson Bird’s rambling disquisition on trans doubt. It’s worth watching. Bird’s video has haunted me since I first saw it, not just the dissembling, but because when I listen to Bird I hear my FTM friend, who binged on videos just like this before coming out as trans. They have same broken voice, but more alarmingly: the same expressions, the same tones, the same turns of phrase, the same show of ideologically-caged cleverness.
There seems to be something so protective about a trans identity, something many of us non-believers experience as alienating and utterly perplexing. How could otherwise smart people buy into these beliefs? I have to believe it's the same reason we lose many loved ones to cults or addiction -- they're in pain and they feel as though they've found a "cure". I know many will disagree with me because of the erratic and often hurtful behavior of some trans activists but I'd ask them to consider the fact that perhaps those same trans rights activists desire to put a distance between themselves and people who remind them of a painful reality. The reality is we're human and no amount of surgeries or convoluted ideologies will save us from the pain and frailty that's part of the human experience.
Pain and human frailty are railed against in U.S. culture -- they're devalued as "weakness" even though weakness is also part of the human experience. Weakness is seen as a personal shortcoming or fault to be overcome but I believe this is only because we live in a culture that celebrates dominating others through aggression and dehumanization. Trans identity is yet another empty promise that human frailty and weakness are escapable. "If we can manipulate our bodies and our minds to become the opposite sex, we can do anything! Nature has no power over us!" But it seems a poignant reminder of our frailty that we would literally demand that others lie to us in order to protect us from experiencing pain.
It's considered cute and fashionable to be a shy, eccentric basket case with multiple "conditions" that absolve the "sufferer" of any responsibility toward attempting to function or seek help, and any accountability for their vicious attacks on others. Most of these people are actually extroverts who are simply bitter about not being attractive and popular. Social media gives them an avenue for self-promotion, and "awareness activism" gives them the context upon which they can pontificate on their favorite subject: themselves. I cringe every time I hear "Hey guys, welcome back to my channel!" like they're the host of their own TV show. The narcissism is astounding.
The epidemics of substance abuse and behavioral addictions suggest otherwise -- these are people trying to avoid pain and the trauma they've suffered. The amount of violent crime also suggests otherwise -- frailty or "weakness" are exploited or extinguished through violence to self or others. People who seek out mental health diagnoses often do so because they feel it's the only way to obtain compassion and understanding from others and from themselves. If trauma and victimhood are so valorized, why are prisons so overcrowded (w/people who would quickly tell you that appearing frail/weak is dangerous) and mental health services so underfunded? If trauma and victimhood are so valorized, why are the prosecution rates for rapes so low? Why are victims of abuse so afraid to come forward? All of this plus my work in the mental health system tells me that trauma and "victimhood" are sources of great shame for the vast majority of people.
I’m a recovering heroin addict; I got clean in 2018. My best friend is in recovery as well. We both frequently discuss what we believe led to this ideology, what makes it so attractive to young &/or vulnerable people.
We’ve come to a similar conclusion as you: most ideologies that begin to fray & fanaticize are based in fear; therefore, the central drive is a “solution” to that fear. A miracle cure--embedded in extravagant promises.
Nothing these ideologies promise is true--whether religion or gender. If only that mattered. Fear feeds the belief, & belief feeds the delusion--until both the belief & the delusion become reality--& can sustain the other.
I don’t feel the similarities between addicts & genID ideologues goes beyond fear & that central drive; still, it makes for interesting discussion.
Very well put -- all of what you said. Thanks for sharing. It does make for interesting discussion. I'm glad it's being discussed and scrutinized. We have to keep asking questions.
Exactly! The trans narrative is convoluted into constant "affirmation," loudly demanded from everyone, promoting the "suffering" the rest of us have no inkling of. It is complex PTSD, no different from any other such case.
Those of us who discovered that our husbands were heading down this path, learned that the intimate physical relationship, the children we bore as a result and our entire marriage was irrelevant. The damage to the body, the 30% incontinence rate post "bottom surgeries" in Brazil, the fact that death does occur during/after these procedures, is omitted from all discussions. (See under, studies used as the foundation of "Dutch Protocols--2 deaths in small sample size)
Vaishnavi Sundar, Indian filmmaker, is releasing Behind the Looking Glass on Lime Soda Films YouTube channel, with testimonies from 20 or so trans widows. This poignant, evocative film will, of course, be spurned by all of the major film festivals. I have the honor of appearing in it.
It also seems like theology. Starts with a belief such as "life was created by an enormous turtle." It becomes a compelling game for smart people, a creative project even, to find tortuous explanations that lead to the part that cannot change, the religious tenet: "Life was created by an enormous turtle."
Or: "I am truly trans." Doubts become a critical part of the game, the riddle to be solved. Ridiculous but entertaining questions emerge ("how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?") that keep the game going.
I first came across Jackson Bird via her book...found it at the library. I highly recommend reading this as it goes into even more torturous detail about her indoctrination and the paths she had to take to completely dissociate from her body. A couple of scenes I remember: When she got to the point that the testosterone poisoning made her look male enough that she got double takes from women in public toilets, she realized it was finally time to begin using the men's toilets, and boy was she nervous and scared! Yes, her body was telling her how dangerous it was, but she rationalized her fear away. She takes several paragraphs to describe her rationalizations and just how silly and transphobic the rest of us are when we have visceral reactions to men in our private spaces. Next scene: on the eve of her double mastectomy surgery, she was discussing her doubts and fears with her therapist. Her body was literally screaming at her not go go through with it. But with the help of her therapist, "it's totally normal to have doubts... if you didn't have doubts then I would be worried about you" she beat her body's warnings into submission and went in the next day to have her breasts removed. Maybe if someone has such serious doubts, they could perhaps postpone their surgery? Would that be so awful? I guess the only way for this cult to gain members is to brainwash people into ignoring their gut instincts and then overriding all of their protective boundaries. Jackson Bird was thoroughly indoctrinated and now she is passing her knowledge onto others.
Bonus scene, just for fun: Jackson describes an evening where she and her 10 best friends, all females with surgically removed breasts, go dancing at a gay club in NYC. They felt so free and alive, taking their shirts off, scars displayed with pride. She describes this horror show as one of the greatest nights of her life, a scene I wish I could bleach right out of my brain!
There seems to be something so protective about a trans identity, something many of us non-believers experience as alienating and utterly perplexing. How could otherwise smart people buy into these beliefs? I have to believe it's the same reason we lose many loved ones to cults or addiction -- they're in pain and they feel as though they've found a "cure". I know many will disagree with me because of the erratic and often hurtful behavior of some trans activists but I'd ask them to consider the fact that perhaps those same trans rights activists desire to put a distance between themselves and people who remind them of a painful reality. The reality is we're human and no amount of surgeries or convoluted ideologies will save us from the pain and frailty that's part of the human experience.
Pain and human frailty are railed against in U.S. culture -- they're devalued as "weakness" even though weakness is also part of the human experience. Weakness is seen as a personal shortcoming or fault to be overcome but I believe this is only because we live in a culture that celebrates dominating others through aggression and dehumanization. Trans identity is yet another empty promise that human frailty and weakness are escapable. "If we can manipulate our bodies and our minds to become the opposite sex, we can do anything! Nature has no power over us!" But it seems a poignant reminder of our frailty that we would literally demand that others lie to us in order to protect us from experiencing pain.
"Pain and human frailty are railed against in U.S. culture." Quite the opposite seems to be true. Trauma and victimhood are valorized and rewarded.
It's considered cute and fashionable to be a shy, eccentric basket case with multiple "conditions" that absolve the "sufferer" of any responsibility toward attempting to function or seek help, and any accountability for their vicious attacks on others. Most of these people are actually extroverts who are simply bitter about not being attractive and popular. Social media gives them an avenue for self-promotion, and "awareness activism" gives them the context upon which they can pontificate on their favorite subject: themselves. I cringe every time I hear "Hey guys, welcome back to my channel!" like they're the host of their own TV show. The narcissism is astounding.
The epidemics of substance abuse and behavioral addictions suggest otherwise -- these are people trying to avoid pain and the trauma they've suffered. The amount of violent crime also suggests otherwise -- frailty or "weakness" are exploited or extinguished through violence to self or others. People who seek out mental health diagnoses often do so because they feel it's the only way to obtain compassion and understanding from others and from themselves. If trauma and victimhood are so valorized, why are prisons so overcrowded (w/people who would quickly tell you that appearing frail/weak is dangerous) and mental health services so underfunded? If trauma and victimhood are so valorized, why are the prosecution rates for rapes so low? Why are victims of abuse so afraid to come forward? All of this plus my work in the mental health system tells me that trauma and "victimhood" are sources of great shame for the vast majority of people.
I’m a recovering heroin addict; I got clean in 2018. My best friend is in recovery as well. We both frequently discuss what we believe led to this ideology, what makes it so attractive to young &/or vulnerable people.
We’ve come to a similar conclusion as you: most ideologies that begin to fray & fanaticize are based in fear; therefore, the central drive is a “solution” to that fear. A miracle cure--embedded in extravagant promises.
Nothing these ideologies promise is true--whether religion or gender. If only that mattered. Fear feeds the belief, & belief feeds the delusion--until both the belief & the delusion become reality--& can sustain the other.
I don’t feel the similarities between addicts & genID ideologues goes beyond fear & that central drive; still, it makes for interesting discussion.
Very well put -- all of what you said. Thanks for sharing. It does make for interesting discussion. I'm glad it's being discussed and scrutinized. We have to keep asking questions.
Exactly! The trans narrative is convoluted into constant "affirmation," loudly demanded from everyone, promoting the "suffering" the rest of us have no inkling of. It is complex PTSD, no different from any other such case.
Those of us who discovered that our husbands were heading down this path, learned that the intimate physical relationship, the children we bore as a result and our entire marriage was irrelevant. The damage to the body, the 30% incontinence rate post "bottom surgeries" in Brazil, the fact that death does occur during/after these procedures, is omitted from all discussions. (See under, studies used as the foundation of "Dutch Protocols--2 deaths in small sample size)
Vaishnavi Sundar, Indian filmmaker, is releasing Behind the Looking Glass on Lime Soda Films YouTube channel, with testimonies from 20 or so trans widows. This poignant, evocative film will, of course, be spurned by all of the major film festivals. I have the honor of appearing in it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhAlvw_kAHs
Ute Heggen, author, In the Curated Woods, True Tales from a Grass Widow (iuniverse, 2022)
uteheggengrasswidow.wordpress.com
It also seems like theology. Starts with a belief such as "life was created by an enormous turtle." It becomes a compelling game for smart people, a creative project even, to find tortuous explanations that lead to the part that cannot change, the religious tenet: "Life was created by an enormous turtle."
Or: "I am truly trans." Doubts become a critical part of the game, the riddle to be solved. Ridiculous but entertaining questions emerge ("how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?") that keep the game going.
Sounds like a leap of faith: to transition.
"Internalised transphobia" = rational avoidance of self-inflicted harm.
Retain only the hypothesis that best fits the evidence.
I first came across Jackson Bird via her book...found it at the library. I highly recommend reading this as it goes into even more torturous detail about her indoctrination and the paths she had to take to completely dissociate from her body. A couple of scenes I remember: When she got to the point that the testosterone poisoning made her look male enough that she got double takes from women in public toilets, she realized it was finally time to begin using the men's toilets, and boy was she nervous and scared! Yes, her body was telling her how dangerous it was, but she rationalized her fear away. She takes several paragraphs to describe her rationalizations and just how silly and transphobic the rest of us are when we have visceral reactions to men in our private spaces. Next scene: on the eve of her double mastectomy surgery, she was discussing her doubts and fears with her therapist. Her body was literally screaming at her not go go through with it. But with the help of her therapist, "it's totally normal to have doubts... if you didn't have doubts then I would be worried about you" she beat her body's warnings into submission and went in the next day to have her breasts removed. Maybe if someone has such serious doubts, they could perhaps postpone their surgery? Would that be so awful? I guess the only way for this cult to gain members is to brainwash people into ignoring their gut instincts and then overriding all of their protective boundaries. Jackson Bird was thoroughly indoctrinated and now she is passing her knowledge onto others.
Bonus scene, just for fun: Jackson describes an evening where she and her 10 best friends, all females with surgically removed breasts, go dancing at a gay club in NYC. They felt so free and alive, taking their shirts off, scars displayed with pride. She describes this horror show as one of the greatest nights of her life, a scene I wish I could bleach right out of my brain!
I did not know she had written a book. That's even more disturbing than what makes it into the videos.