An addendum to my piece for Genspect about what kids learn about doubt online. To briefly rehash:
Ever felt “a sense of misalignment, disconnect, or estrangement from your own emotions”? How about “knowing you’re somehow different from everyone else, and wishing you could be normal like them”? Did you experience “a notable escalation in the severity of these symptoms during puberty”?
If so, you just might be trans! Or at least that’s what online trans communities tell kids.
Take questions about discomfort with sexual development or sexual orientation to the Internet, and online communities and search algorithms alike will point to “trans.” Online communities prompt children and teens to question their gender, then tell them that if they question their gender, they’re trans. (Visit amitransgender.net and you get a simple “Yes” and a list of resources to help you quickly solidify your new transgender identity.)
As your child consolidates a trans identity, they’ll inevitably experience questions and doubts—after all, what’s more questionable or doubtful than the idea that despite your body—your only way of existing in the world—and despite your entire upbringing, you were never what you appear and always knew yourself to be?
That’s why so many of these videos and online resources zero in on the problem of doubting your new transgender identity—and then set out to disarm those doubts.
… Therapists with YouTube channels get in on the action, too, like this woman who ‘reassures’ viewers that their obsessive thoughts about whether they might be transgender will never go away and will only get “stronger and stronger” with time.
The implication is clear: time spent deliberating is time lost. Move forward. Now.
After all, you can always change your mind! So, even if you’re not sure—because you’re in denial!—why not just get a prescription for testosterone so you can see how it feels to hold that prescription in your hand? Why not fill it and see how it feels to hold that vial and syringe? Nobody says you have to inject it! This is just a neutral process of self-discovery. Taking a big step in one direction in no way predetermines the next step you’ll take.
But in fact every step binds. Online influencers encourage children and young people to sink costs into transition: come out to everyone and it will be harder to go back. Make ‘trans’ your whole identity and you’ll cling to it: what else do you have?
This recent post on r/asktransgender showcases strategies for corralling and smothering doubts:
Is there any sure fire way to rid of doubt?
I feel like I’m pretty certain I’m transgender but my parents always plant little seeds that make me worry that this is just a phase. I’ve been dealing with this for 3 years and I’m 20 now. How long am I gonna have to wait this through 😭
Just “start trying to be yourself and see how it feels”:
No, there isn't. If you wait to start HRT (Or insert transition goal here) until your absolutely certain you never will. It's a leap of faith, you need to jump in and be cognizant of your feelings to see if you like it or not. Luckily for you going on E with HRT can actually been done for at least a month with no permanent effects. You just need to start trying to be yourself and see how it feels. Don't do what I did, don't waste years waiting to be sure before you start.
That's all it is, a leap of faith.
Here’s another vote for “just try it”:
You will find out quick once you start hrt and early changes start happening. You will either be excited and want more, or you will not feel good about them and you can stop before they become drastic and irreversible.
You can ask your therapist to dismiss your doubts for you because “it’s never a phase”:
My therapist assured me that I was on the right track. Starting hrt took away 99.9% of my doubts within days.
Also, it's never a phase, but everybody seems to worry about this at some point.
Are you 100% sure you have any biological reality?
I suggest reversing the question. Are you 100% sure you are cis?
Finally, one commenter pulls out all the stops: It’s never a phase. If you wait to transition until you’re sure, you’ll regret not transitioning earlier. Write down all your doubts and then ignore them.
First, nobody has phases like that. It's like asthma attacks — even if you haven't had an asthma attack in a while, you still have asthma, and could have an attack tomorrow. So if the only doubt you have to struggle with is it being a phase, then yes, there is a way — it's not a phase. Don't take my word for it, google it. It's not a phase for you because it's not a phase for anybody. And if you're getting dysphoria attacks, then it's extremely likely they're going to get worse as the years go by.
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second-best time is now. If you're trans, then no matter when you transition, you'll regret not transitioning earlier.
There is no perfect way to get rid of doubts in general, but some perspective can help. For example, see The Null HypotheCis: http://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/ How sure are you that you're cis? It's not much, is it?
An activity you can do is make lists, like pro/con lists, but for female/male. What signs do you have that you're female? What signs do you have that you're male?
If needed, make a third list for doubts. Doubts don't point either way, they just tell you to slow down. Maybe going on HRT would be screwing up your body with the wrong hormones? Yeah, but maybe NOT going on HRT is already screwing up your body with the wrong hormones? Doubts can go either way, because they don't really point either way.
Then, ignore the doubts list, and read both lists that matter. Which one sounds more pathetic and grasping at straws? One list is driven by denial, the other by your deep truth. For some trans people, even just reading the wrong list alone stinks of denial.
It may also help to think that even though this is about what you are inside, that deep being feels like wanting. The #1 way we have to tell what you really are inside is whatever you most want to be. What gender is your best self?
“It’s not a phase.” As if nothing about being a young person is a phase, when *everything* about being a young person is--actually--a phase. Phases are not inherently bad or good, just processes as we grow and change. But trans ideology requires identity to be immutable--not a phase.
Hard core marketing psychology.
Sweets/candy at the checkout,
But the sweet/candy packets talk personally directly in a dystopian 5g recognition.
Baud rate bullying.