This piece really resonated with me. My 15 yo step-daughter identifies as Trans and to start with I used ‘he/him’ pronouns out of respect (in truth I avoid using pronouns wherever possible). But now I think I’ve done her a disservice. All the adults around her pretend she’s a boy and she has come to believe them. She’s autistic and vulnerable. I’m caught between upsetting her or propagating the lie. Sure, present as a boy but it’s not healthy for anyone to deny their biology. She refuses to look at any photo of herself from the last 15 years.
This (writing)is beautiful to me in its realness and because, for the first time someone was able to put into words what I have been going through (in my mind and heart) with a family friend whom I have known for many years. Thank you so much! 👏🏼🤌🏼
oh, oh..... that last hand gesture was meant as “a chefs kiss”; “c’est magnifique “ ; etc -- not “che vuoi” what do you want? or any other more odd interpretation. I resort to emojis when the words just aren’t there for me.... Your piece was beautiful.
Eliza, this is beautiful, loving, real and true. To yourself and to your friends.
I respect you for grappling simultaneously with love for your friend and commitment to truth as you clearly see it. I admire you for so clearly articulating what others feel but can't put words to. I am grateful to you for bearing the burden and risks of doing so publicly.
Beautifully written piece, Eliza. I hope more people share their personal stories. "Strange silences spread fast." This did seem to happen quickly and silently. My first encounter with "genderism" was when my college-age daughter told me she was dating a lesbian who was a biological, intact male who identified as a lesbian about a year ago. That was the wake up call for me that there was something more insidious hiding behind the gender movement. We need to be brave and speak truth.
That is a touching post. I suspect that many public figures are not speaking out against TRAs, because a (often younger) family member is claiming to be trans or non-binary. For example, Geoff Barrow of UK 90s triphop band Portishead, has a teenage (ex)daughter who says she is a boy- so he backs them up now. I don't imagine he wants to trample over the rights of women, or lesbians/gays/bisexuals, or children (who deserve not to be medically abused). But he must feel he is being a good father, and acting out of love. Or somebody I know, who is supporting her teenage daughter (who has mental health issues) to try and present as a boy: this woman is not at all stupid, but she is in denial and has decided to ignore common-sense, trying to help. It's all a very sad human situation -and has been ruthlessly exploited by the forces driving this evil and toxic GI agenda.
The last two paragraphs are a really nicely said summary of the dilemma. When a person sincerely believes they're trans, the only conclusion they really can take is either 1. They see me and see that I'm not trans, or 2. They don't see me. As long as #1 isn't an option, #2 is how they take it, which, if it was true, might be real grounds to feel hurt by a friend. My friend either can't or won't see me; I thought we were friends.
But as you say in the last paragraph "I thought that if I only understood, I could be a better friend...." That was how I ended my first article: I didn't/don't need to be affirmed, but understood. There will always be people who can't/won't understand me; I don't need everyone to understand me, but I can't do without having some understanding people in my life. But if I'm looking for affirmation, I could be affirmed all day and not notice that I'm never understood. After detransition part of my family got stuck on affirmation mode and years went by without them even wondering why I detransitioned; they just kept "affirming" that it would be okay if I wanted to transition again.
1. We just saw Nancy Pelosi announce that she has a trans “niece”. This is a woman who wields tremendous power. Her “conversion” in order to maintain connection has very real consequences for the rest of us. This has become a state sanctioned religion and for those of us in blue states, it’s looking more and more likely that there will be penalties for not adhering — loss of parental rights and custody of our children, to begin with.
2. Those of us not consenting to medicalization of our trans-identified kids are being told that we’re causing them tremendous pain. Our kids hear these messages and believe them because they have been told that it’s not possible for someone to love and support you if they don’t agree with you on everything. The result is the flood of children estranging themselves from their loving parents.
The inability of grown adults (Pelosi and the Twidiots that quickly move to “You’re a lying Nazi,” among others) to understand this in a more nuanced way than our children is dumbfounding, depressing, and dangerous.
Apr 19, 2023·edited Apr 19, 2023Liked by Eliza Mondegreen
This is a great point, because it speaks to the utter abdication of adult authority that we're living through, and without which Transmania couldn't sweep through society like a wildfire.
The whole "believe what a child says when they tell you who they are" is just willed stupidity and a moral failure, as if setting aside what we all know about biology and about the weakness of young brains is a piece of wisdom instead of a cop-out (hopefully these same people let their children drive and wield power tools, as they're so assured of juvenile infallibility).
It is really indulging in a lazy bath of self-esteem cliches (who they are, "authentic self" etc) that would seem silly and juvenile when referring to an adult (as if my family and lifelong friends haven't cycled thru multiple iterations of "who they are" across the decades) but when it's a kid we're talking about, this is sentimental nonsense and a great example of the tyranny of sensitivity.
When you hear or read "Believe children" you need to translate that as: "Please don't make me be the one who says the Dauphin has no clothes, please don't make me contradict the new sacred dogma, as that would destroy my career and seriously dent my bank account. I will do or say anything to maintain my social status."
All these people would rather have thousands of children unnecessarily mutilated rather than violate the elite belief system of their class.
My siblings and I confirmed to each other that we had all considered the possibility that everyone in our lives was actually a robot, or a delusion, and that we were the only conscious and alive person in the world. It was a very scary thought.
Ripping apart our connections is the goal. I hope your lost friend comes out of the cult coma. I have a few distant relatives who no longer talk to me over this, but my immediate family is immune.
Exactly the kindve mentality Republicans have you hit the nail on the head. As far as trans people I can only speak for myself and I just wanna be left alone and just wish people who dont even know anything about being trans would stop obsessing. I really dont get how you could lose someone to being trans is mean it's like you just refuse to accept them or what? And it's like why? What do you care ,let them do what makes them happy,how is it effect your life. People take issue with things that effect them ,if something costs you your job your bound not to like it ,if something can get you sick your bound to avoid it. Obsession with something which does not effect you is literally listed in the DSM- IV as a precursor/symptom or mental health deficiency and/or psychosis. I swear If i wasnt trans (and i wish i wasnt) i would not give a shit in the least about weither or not somebody else is what. Seriously there nothing going on that takes up your time and attention. Because in any same society this would not be a big deal,and it wasnt until about 2 years ago when Republicans admittedly manufactured it because they have no actual policies. So stop being sheep
Apr 19, 2023·edited Apr 19, 2023Liked by Eliza Mondegreen
I did not come from a one-for-all-and-all-for-one family. If one of my siblings told me he was transitioning to the opposite sex, I would say, "That's your choice, but don't expect me to swallow all the bullshit ideas." Indeed, I would be front and center trying to disabuse him of those ideas. That's just the kind of family mine is.
I remember in the 1960's when my brother joined the national guard, he criticized my sister when he heard she was part of an anti-war demonstration. She made it clear to him that she wasn't going to change her views to please him.
Institutions are different. Being honest with a co-worker who is transitioning would be seen as disruptive and could result in your dismissal. Of course, if that person is also a friend, that would be a complication.
What a great line ("We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.")
I actually think this sort of rubbing along together attitude is what could get us out of this -- you are not *attacking* Catholics by not also agreeing the Holy Ghost is a real thing. Catholics can survive knowing that some people even make fun of the whole notion, including people they work with and some in their own families. It's still important to THEM and they live by it; they just can't make everyone live by it. We've had religious wars about it in the past, but now we rub along any old how. What doesn't help at all in the present instance are the legions of academic scoundrels insisting that actually sexual dimorphism is a colonial invention and the gender ideologues are objectively correct about their faith.
well, but they do try -- El Al got sued by women for accommodating the requests of Orthodox Jewish men who didn't want to sit next to unrelated women (apparently they moved the women, not the men!). Many Christian believers try to get abortion outlawed. And Muslims in Western societies have done things like insist images of the Prophet should never be shown in classrooms, let alone cartoons making fun of him. the difference is that in all these other cases secular society pushes back, while in the case of gender ideology secular society has converted in large numbers and is in control of levers of power that can implement these demands by calling them not faith-based but reality-based ("trans women are women" is like the Nicene Creed -- an affirmation of faith -- but it is TREATED as if it were a fact like "rain is wet").
For me, it wouldn't be so difficult to go along with the pronouns of a "she-male" (a more honest term than "trans woman", I think). It would be easy because I would know that 90% of my co-workers understand that "she" is not a woman but a psychologically challenged individual. But the day will never come when I refer to someone as "they" or "them". THAT is where I draw the line. Of course, I don't have to do that since I am now retired.
Now, as for religion, I can sympathize because few people have my religious views. I believe in reincarnation and karma and a multidimensional God theory that Christians, etc., would not recognize. My religion, in fact, gives me a theory by which to regard trans people. In short, they are people who chose the wrong sex before they reincarnated. (We need to experience both maleness and femaleness before our incarnations are completed.) So I do have some sympathy for trans people -- that is, the people who are actually trans and not just jumping on the band-wagon. The people who are jumping on the band-wagon are pitiable.
Now, when a young woman showed up to inspect my home for my Section 8 application, and she was dressed like a man and calling herself "Timothy", I wanted to shake her shoulders and scream, "PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T HAD YOUR BREASTS REMOVED!", but I restrained myself.
"These strange silences spread fast" that's beautiful. The pain you describe is very raw and poignant.
"How could I continue to care about someone and yet refuse to play along?" This reminds me of the term "immersion in a fiction" from Kathleen Stock's book, Material Girls. It's in chapter six.
I revisited that chapter just now to pull some choice quotes that relate to your article, and about loving and supporting someone, but not believing:
1. A lot of this debate is about whether we should be collectively engaging in immersive fiction, or whether that should be an individual choice. "To tell yourself the film set of a thriller in LA is actually located in Shepperton can suddenly make the action seem mundane. For as long as you’re immersed, you’re consciously unaware of the fact that you don’t believe what you’re thinking about is true or real. This feature on its own can explain a lot about the public face of trans activism. Immersion can be individual, but it can also be collective"
2. Incisive and clarifying. "My hypothesis is that at least some of the time many trans and non-trans people alike are immersed in a fiction: the fiction that they themselves, or others around them, have literally changed sex (to become either the opposite sex or non-binary). Apart from general behavioural indications, this is suggested by evidence that in a private, anonymous context, it seems that a majority of people would deny gender identity made any difference to whether one is a man or a woman. In a 2018 Populus survey in the UK..."
3. Some trans people may even assume that everyone knows it's a fiction, and they're not really expecting anyone to believe they're a different sex. "Ordinary trans people aren’t deliberately trying to get people to believe falsehoods about their sex, just as actors onstage or in films aren’t deliberately trying to get people to believe falsehoods about who they are either. Though very different from each other in other ways, that’s what makes both actors and trans people different from undercover cops, who by definition are out to deceive others. To be immersed in a fiction is not to lie to or to deceive others. Language shouldn’t be forced into a binary of ‘truth’ versus ‘lies’; it’s potentially much richer than that. Some trans people enter immersively into a fiction on the assumption it will be implicitly understood by others as a fiction . Others do so with no particular thoughts about what others will believe or imagine, but only the understandable and immediate desire to find relief from feelings of dysphoria."
2. Whether or not one is conscious of lying about one’s sex should be irrelevant to law and policy.
3. Any proposed legal fiction must be carefully evaluated by weighing benefits against harms. The trans lie has not been evaluated for harms to women and girls.
Or to young boys and girls who don't fit stereotypes and so are 'born wrong' and must be 'fixed' by mutilating their healthy bodies w/ hormones and surgeries.
T.Lister, thank you. I read and hear so much about the girls. I know young girls are being hit hard by this ideology. But I have the teen son who told me he is a lesbian. It is hard for us. It fells like we don’t get the same sympathy girl parents get.
Apr 19, 2023·edited Apr 19, 2023Liked by Eliza Mondegreen
This is a frank and poetic observation, all the more evocative with the butterfly caught in the spider web. Those of us whose husbands, the fathers of our children, went down the cross-sex ideation path, are subject to extreme brainwashing. In my case, this extended to an arrogant, insulting and completely fallacious claim, by the diagnosing PhD "sexologist" that I "forced" my then husband to "decide to live full time as female" (her words) when I pursued this contested divorce. Correct--he contested the divorce. In the end, my grounds, emotional cruelty, described my treatment exactly. Both by him and his non-certified groomer therapist, and the PhD psychologist. They are very, very political. Consider the fact that the Nashville shooter's manifesto has not been released. I pose that she's likely to have been recruited and indoctrinated into her violent acts through the computer game known as Terfenstein 3D, designed by a man who ideates a female persona. The game itself promotes the "genocide" trope, and the protagonists are all escaping our capture, then finding weapons to chase us down and annihilate us. There is an extremist "Days of Vengeance" slice of this world, and more calls for the release of the Hale manifesto must be heard.
It can be so heartbreaking to feel the distance between you and a loved one expand in this way. Our need for connection is as natural as our need for food and water and can be just as powerful.
"emily steel" comes to mind. that's the pseudonym of the lady who got assaulted by a beardo half (1/3?) her age in NZ. apparently her kid(s) are now refusing to let her see her grandkids (presumably one of whom is "non-binary" or trans and triggered her interest in this ideology to begin with). so they've chosen the delusions of strangers over their own family. reminds me of patton oswalt throwing chappelle under the bus but more depressing.
I am excommunicated by my son. I was given the trans test, which must be passed in order to prove my love, respect, acceptance and disavowal of bigoted transphobia. The part that really struck me was the element of the test: you must see me as a woman. Now even perception must be as prescribed?
I am sorry that you have to go through this with your son. I am a Mom, too, and I can imagine how hard it would be to give birth to a son, but be forced to lie and call them a daughter. Hang in there....
But I “misspoke”; you said that your perception was what was being tested; that you had to see your loved one in a certain way. This might be worse than prescribing/regulating words. I think that your thoughts belong only to you. I wonder if it’s dishonest to keep your perceptions to yourself in order to hang on to a thread of connection with your child, your son? Isn’t there a status less harsh than excommunication, but not quite that of a member in complete good standing? It’s like that for me and a family friend that I mentioned in my first comment. I use the person’s new name, correct (as in requested) pronouns when necessary, but I keep my thoughts to myself. Of course, this sounds like a very difficult thing to do with one’s own child. I don’t know if it’s possible. Take 💜.
This piece really resonated with me. My 15 yo step-daughter identifies as Trans and to start with I used ‘he/him’ pronouns out of respect (in truth I avoid using pronouns wherever possible). But now I think I’ve done her a disservice. All the adults around her pretend she’s a boy and she has come to believe them. She’s autistic and vulnerable. I’m caught between upsetting her or propagating the lie. Sure, present as a boy but it’s not healthy for anyone to deny their biology. She refuses to look at any photo of herself from the last 15 years.
"No" is a good word. We don't use it enough.
This (writing)is beautiful to me in its realness and because, for the first time someone was able to put into words what I have been going through (in my mind and heart) with a family friend whom I have known for many years. Thank you so much! 👏🏼🤌🏼
oh, oh..... that last hand gesture was meant as “a chefs kiss”; “c’est magnifique “ ; etc -- not “che vuoi” what do you want? or any other more odd interpretation. I resort to emojis when the words just aren’t there for me.... Your piece was beautiful.
Eliza, this is beautiful, loving, real and true. To yourself and to your friends.
I respect you for grappling simultaneously with love for your friend and commitment to truth as you clearly see it. I admire you for so clearly articulating what others feel but can't put words to. I am grateful to you for bearing the burden and risks of doing so publicly.
Beautifully written piece, Eliza. I hope more people share their personal stories. "Strange silences spread fast." This did seem to happen quickly and silently. My first encounter with "genderism" was when my college-age daughter told me she was dating a lesbian who was a biological, intact male who identified as a lesbian about a year ago. That was the wake up call for me that there was something more insidious hiding behind the gender movement. We need to be brave and speak truth.
That is a touching post. I suspect that many public figures are not speaking out against TRAs, because a (often younger) family member is claiming to be trans or non-binary. For example, Geoff Barrow of UK 90s triphop band Portishead, has a teenage (ex)daughter who says she is a boy- so he backs them up now. I don't imagine he wants to trample over the rights of women, or lesbians/gays/bisexuals, or children (who deserve not to be medically abused). But he must feel he is being a good father, and acting out of love. Or somebody I know, who is supporting her teenage daughter (who has mental health issues) to try and present as a boy: this woman is not at all stupid, but she is in denial and has decided to ignore common-sense, trying to help. It's all a very sad human situation -and has been ruthlessly exploited by the forces driving this evil and toxic GI agenda.
The last two paragraphs are a really nicely said summary of the dilemma. When a person sincerely believes they're trans, the only conclusion they really can take is either 1. They see me and see that I'm not trans, or 2. They don't see me. As long as #1 isn't an option, #2 is how they take it, which, if it was true, might be real grounds to feel hurt by a friend. My friend either can't or won't see me; I thought we were friends.
But as you say in the last paragraph "I thought that if I only understood, I could be a better friend...." That was how I ended my first article: I didn't/don't need to be affirmed, but understood. There will always be people who can't/won't understand me; I don't need everyone to understand me, but I can't do without having some understanding people in my life. But if I'm looking for affirmation, I could be affirmed all day and not notice that I'm never understood. After detransition part of my family got stuck on affirmation mode and years went by without them even wondering why I detransitioned; they just kept "affirming" that it would be okay if I wanted to transition again.
"I could be affirmed all day and not notice that I'm never understood." Very well observed.
Two aspects to this:
1. We just saw Nancy Pelosi announce that she has a trans “niece”. This is a woman who wields tremendous power. Her “conversion” in order to maintain connection has very real consequences for the rest of us. This has become a state sanctioned religion and for those of us in blue states, it’s looking more and more likely that there will be penalties for not adhering — loss of parental rights and custody of our children, to begin with.
2. Those of us not consenting to medicalization of our trans-identified kids are being told that we’re causing them tremendous pain. Our kids hear these messages and believe them because they have been told that it’s not possible for someone to love and support you if they don’t agree with you on everything. The result is the flood of children estranging themselves from their loving parents.
The inability of grown adults (Pelosi and the Twidiots that quickly move to “You’re a lying Nazi,” among others) to understand this in a more nuanced way than our children is dumbfounding, depressing, and dangerous.
This is a great point, because it speaks to the utter abdication of adult authority that we're living through, and without which Transmania couldn't sweep through society like a wildfire.
The whole "believe what a child says when they tell you who they are" is just willed stupidity and a moral failure, as if setting aside what we all know about biology and about the weakness of young brains is a piece of wisdom instead of a cop-out (hopefully these same people let their children drive and wield power tools, as they're so assured of juvenile infallibility).
It is really indulging in a lazy bath of self-esteem cliches (who they are, "authentic self" etc) that would seem silly and juvenile when referring to an adult (as if my family and lifelong friends haven't cycled thru multiple iterations of "who they are" across the decades) but when it's a kid we're talking about, this is sentimental nonsense and a great example of the tyranny of sensitivity.
When you hear or read "Believe children" you need to translate that as: "Please don't make me be the one who says the Dauphin has no clothes, please don't make me contradict the new sacred dogma, as that would destroy my career and seriously dent my bank account. I will do or say anything to maintain my social status."
All these people would rather have thousands of children unnecessarily mutilated rather than violate the elite belief system of their class.
My siblings and I confirmed to each other that we had all considered the possibility that everyone in our lives was actually a robot, or a delusion, and that we were the only conscious and alive person in the world. It was a very scary thought.
Touching, poignant, and thoughtful. Thank you.
Recently lost a friend of 40 years over this.
Ripping apart our connections is the goal. I hope your lost friend comes out of the cult coma. I have a few distant relatives who no longer talk to me over this, but my immediate family is immune.
Exactly the kindve mentality Republicans have you hit the nail on the head. As far as trans people I can only speak for myself and I just wanna be left alone and just wish people who dont even know anything about being trans would stop obsessing. I really dont get how you could lose someone to being trans is mean it's like you just refuse to accept them or what? And it's like why? What do you care ,let them do what makes them happy,how is it effect your life. People take issue with things that effect them ,if something costs you your job your bound not to like it ,if something can get you sick your bound to avoid it. Obsession with something which does not effect you is literally listed in the DSM- IV as a precursor/symptom or mental health deficiency and/or psychosis. I swear If i wasnt trans (and i wish i wasnt) i would not give a shit in the least about weither or not somebody else is what. Seriously there nothing going on that takes up your time and attention. Because in any same society this would not be a big deal,and it wasnt until about 2 years ago when Republicans admittedly manufactured it because they have no actual policies. So stop being sheep
I did not come from a one-for-all-and-all-for-one family. If one of my siblings told me he was transitioning to the opposite sex, I would say, "That's your choice, but don't expect me to swallow all the bullshit ideas." Indeed, I would be front and center trying to disabuse him of those ideas. That's just the kind of family mine is.
I remember in the 1960's when my brother joined the national guard, he criticized my sister when he heard she was part of an anti-war demonstration. She made it clear to him that she wasn't going to change her views to please him.
Institutions are different. Being honest with a co-worker who is transitioning would be seen as disruptive and could result in your dismissal. Of course, if that person is also a friend, that would be a complication.
What a great line ("We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart.")
I actually think this sort of rubbing along together attitude is what could get us out of this -- you are not *attacking* Catholics by not also agreeing the Holy Ghost is a real thing. Catholics can survive knowing that some people even make fun of the whole notion, including people they work with and some in their own families. It's still important to THEM and they live by it; they just can't make everyone live by it. We've had religious wars about it in the past, but now we rub along any old how. What doesn't help at all in the present instance are the legions of academic scoundrels insisting that actually sexual dimorphism is a colonial invention and the gender ideologues are objectively correct about their faith.
well, but they do try -- El Al got sued by women for accommodating the requests of Orthodox Jewish men who didn't want to sit next to unrelated women (apparently they moved the women, not the men!). Many Christian believers try to get abortion outlawed. And Muslims in Western societies have done things like insist images of the Prophet should never be shown in classrooms, let alone cartoons making fun of him. the difference is that in all these other cases secular society pushes back, while in the case of gender ideology secular society has converted in large numbers and is in control of levers of power that can implement these demands by calling them not faith-based but reality-based ("trans women are women" is like the Nicene Creed -- an affirmation of faith -- but it is TREATED as if it were a fact like "rain is wet").
For me, it wouldn't be so difficult to go along with the pronouns of a "she-male" (a more honest term than "trans woman", I think). It would be easy because I would know that 90% of my co-workers understand that "she" is not a woman but a psychologically challenged individual. But the day will never come when I refer to someone as "they" or "them". THAT is where I draw the line. Of course, I don't have to do that since I am now retired.
Now, as for religion, I can sympathize because few people have my religious views. I believe in reincarnation and karma and a multidimensional God theory that Christians, etc., would not recognize. My religion, in fact, gives me a theory by which to regard trans people. In short, they are people who chose the wrong sex before they reincarnated. (We need to experience both maleness and femaleness before our incarnations are completed.) So I do have some sympathy for trans people -- that is, the people who are actually trans and not just jumping on the band-wagon. The people who are jumping on the band-wagon are pitiable.
Now, when a young woman showed up to inspect my home for my Section 8 application, and she was dressed like a man and calling herself "Timothy", I wanted to shake her shoulders and scream, "PLEASE TELL ME YOU HAVEN'T HAD YOUR BREASTS REMOVED!", but I restrained myself.
"These strange silences spread fast" that's beautiful. The pain you describe is very raw and poignant.
"How could I continue to care about someone and yet refuse to play along?" This reminds me of the term "immersion in a fiction" from Kathleen Stock's book, Material Girls. It's in chapter six.
I revisited that chapter just now to pull some choice quotes that relate to your article, and about loving and supporting someone, but not believing:
1. A lot of this debate is about whether we should be collectively engaging in immersive fiction, or whether that should be an individual choice. "To tell yourself the film set of a thriller in LA is actually located in Shepperton can suddenly make the action seem mundane. For as long as you’re immersed, you’re consciously unaware of the fact that you don’t believe what you’re thinking about is true or real. This feature on its own can explain a lot about the public face of trans activism. Immersion can be individual, but it can also be collective"
2. Incisive and clarifying. "My hypothesis is that at least some of the time many trans and non-trans people alike are immersed in a fiction: the fiction that they themselves, or others around them, have literally changed sex (to become either the opposite sex or non-binary). Apart from general behavioural indications, this is suggested by evidence that in a private, anonymous context, it seems that a majority of people would deny gender identity made any difference to whether one is a man or a woman. In a 2018 Populus survey in the UK..."
3. Some trans people may even assume that everyone knows it's a fiction, and they're not really expecting anyone to believe they're a different sex. "Ordinary trans people aren’t deliberately trying to get people to believe falsehoods about their sex, just as actors onstage or in films aren’t deliberately trying to get people to believe falsehoods about who they are either. Though very different from each other in other ways, that’s what makes both actors and trans people different from undercover cops, who by definition are out to deceive others. To be immersed in a fiction is not to lie to or to deceive others. Language shouldn’t be forced into a binary of ‘truth’ versus ‘lies’; it’s potentially much richer than that. Some trans people enter immersively into a fiction on the assumption it will be implicitly understood by others as a fiction . Others do so with no particular thoughts about what others will believe or imagine, but only the understandable and immediate desire to find relief from feelings of dysphoria."
1. There are no “trans people.”
2. Whether or not one is conscious of lying about one’s sex should be irrelevant to law and policy.
3. Any proposed legal fiction must be carefully evaluated by weighing benefits against harms. The trans lie has not been evaluated for harms to women and girls.
Or to young boys and girls who don't fit stereotypes and so are 'born wrong' and must be 'fixed' by mutilating their healthy bodies w/ hormones and surgeries.
T.Lister, thank you. I read and hear so much about the girls. I know young girls are being hit hard by this ideology. But I have the teen son who told me he is a lesbian. It is hard for us. It fells like we don’t get the same sympathy girl parents get.
It may be b/c there was such an extraordinary increase in girls identifying as 'trans' but you should not get short-shrift b/c you have a son. I hope he comes back to himself. I don't know if this will help but offer it nonetheless. https://sex-matters.org/posts/updates/practical-ideas-for-parents-of-gender-questioning-teenagers/?
This is a frank and poetic observation, all the more evocative with the butterfly caught in the spider web. Those of us whose husbands, the fathers of our children, went down the cross-sex ideation path, are subject to extreme brainwashing. In my case, this extended to an arrogant, insulting and completely fallacious claim, by the diagnosing PhD "sexologist" that I "forced" my then husband to "decide to live full time as female" (her words) when I pursued this contested divorce. Correct--he contested the divorce. In the end, my grounds, emotional cruelty, described my treatment exactly. Both by him and his non-certified groomer therapist, and the PhD psychologist. They are very, very political. Consider the fact that the Nashville shooter's manifesto has not been released. I pose that she's likely to have been recruited and indoctrinated into her violent acts through the computer game known as Terfenstein 3D, designed by a man who ideates a female persona. The game itself promotes the "genocide" trope, and the protagonists are all escaping our capture, then finding weapons to chase us down and annihilate us. There is an extremist "Days of Vengeance" slice of this world, and more calls for the release of the Hale manifesto must be heard.
It can be so heartbreaking to feel the distance between you and a loved one expand in this way. Our need for connection is as natural as our need for food and water and can be just as powerful.
"emily steel" comes to mind. that's the pseudonym of the lady who got assaulted by a beardo half (1/3?) her age in NZ. apparently her kid(s) are now refusing to let her see her grandkids (presumably one of whom is "non-binary" or trans and triggered her interest in this ideology to begin with). so they've chosen the delusions of strangers over their own family. reminds me of patton oswalt throwing chappelle under the bus but more depressing.
Beautiful.
I am excommunicated by my son. I was given the trans test, which must be passed in order to prove my love, respect, acceptance and disavowal of bigoted transphobia. The part that really struck me was the element of the test: you must see me as a woman. Now even perception must be as prescribed?
I am sorry that you have to go through this with your son. I am a Mom, too, and I can imagine how hard it would be to give birth to a son, but be forced to lie and call them a daughter. Hang in there....
But I “misspoke”; you said that your perception was what was being tested; that you had to see your loved one in a certain way. This might be worse than prescribing/regulating words. I think that your thoughts belong only to you. I wonder if it’s dishonest to keep your perceptions to yourself in order to hang on to a thread of connection with your child, your son? Isn’t there a status less harsh than excommunication, but not quite that of a member in complete good standing? It’s like that for me and a family friend that I mentioned in my first comment. I use the person’s new name, correct (as in requested) pronouns when necessary, but I keep my thoughts to myself. Of course, this sounds like a very difficult thing to do with one’s own child. I don’t know if it’s possible. Take 💜.