The most illuminating discussions in online trans communities center on issues of questioning and doubt.
Take this r/asktransgender post: “Can a CIS person fool themselves into believing they are trans? Is it possible for a CIS person to trick themselves into being trans, for reasons such as 'the memes', or peer pressure, or even otherwise?”
To put this into plain English, this person is asking whether it’s possible to mistakenly believe you’re transgender. It’s a good question—one you’d want to think about before deciding to come out as transgender or undertake steps to transition. But what does the hive mind think?
nbd but probably trans: “sure it happens but a better explanation is that they might actually be trans.”
You’re either trans or you’re not, thinking doesn’t make it so: “Can a cis person think they're trans? Sure, gender identity is hard, though generally speaking cis people have a significantly easier time figuring out their identity than trans people. Can a cis person "trick themself into being trans"? No, absolutely not, you can't "become" trans, it doesn't work that way. You're either trans or you aren't, that doesn't change, so you can't trick yourself into being trans. This is an important distinction, since a common transphobic argument is that you cannot change your gender, which is true and why trans people are valid: trans people do not choose to be trans and cannot simply choose to be cis, the same way that cis people cannot simply choose to be trans.”
Doubt is a sign you’re afraid that you’re trans and therefore doubt is a sign of being trans: “Ok OP here is how this sounds to me, you think you might be trans but you’re scared and you don’t want to be so you’re looking for any evidence to discount everything you’ve been feeling as of late. If so I can relate because I did that too when I was questioning. If you are questioning your gender I get it can be a scary time especially depending on your living conditions. Now just because you’re questioning doesn’t mean you’re trans but if you are questioning it is definitely something you should continue investigating so you can better figure out who you are. I don’t care what the answer is I just want you to be the authentic you.”
Sort of, like the time I misunderstood myself as a lesbian: “Technically yes, kind of... just the way I misunderstood my transmasculinity at earlier points in my life as asexuality or (very briefly) thinking I was a lesbian. Our society isn't very welcoming to people questioning / experimenting or "not being sure" and this leads people to feel pressured that they have to "figure it out" more quickly than what might be the most natural timeline for them, and sometimes people just struggle figuring themselves out for a bit. It's not really "fooling yourself" though. It's ok to experiment and it's ok to be wrong sometimes. I think if someone really felt "peer pressure" to be trans, that person must have a lot wrong with them like extreme, abnormal levels of suggestibility + that's not something most people deal with. That's the sort of stuff where you really need to talk to a therapist about.”
If you’re questioning, you’re automatically not ‘cis,’ so no: “Gonna go with no, but there's always exceptions. I think a cis person might start questioning if they're trans and then play around with gender a bit, realize they're not, and go back to being cis. But even then like.. you're on the gender spectrum, you know? Cis people don't go around wondering about shit like this.”
You shouldn’t ask questions like this: “This question feels like a rationale transphobes would use for being transphobic”
Since you can’t trick yourself into being ‘cis’ (or else trans people would definitely do this), no: “every time this comes up i think about how hard the majority of us try to trick ourselves into being cis, and that shit never ever works period no matter what, so how could the reverse be possible? i don't think it's possible. as a wise man once said in a silly movie, you can't put the genie back in the bottle. you can't trick yourself to be something you're not, be that cis or trans. you can try but it never works.”
A ‘cis’ person might think they’re trans but can’t trick themselves into ‘becoming’ trans (but what’s the difference?): “idk why youre capitalising cis, but no. into Thinking theyre trans? yeah, rarely but yeah. into Becoming trans?? homie was always trans”
Maybe, but only for a summer’s day!:
Being trans is so hard that it’s unlikely anyone would “prefer” to be trans (in a climate where being trans is also the best and the only kind of person worth being): “I think it’s possible but unlikely, idk why anyone would prefer the discrimination we face. It’s illogical to me when people say I am doing this for attention when I really rather would not be mistreated lol.”
Some people would say this is exactly what social influence looks like but who am I to say?: “I attribute my realization to r/egg_irl. The best view on "egg" is that it's a trans person who doesn't yet know they are trans or one that is in denial about it. I'm 34 and I had no clue until 6 months ago.”
It’s very rare according to Science since it’s a medical kinda thing:
At first, I was going to write, “This should be required reading for anyone in the in the field of gender health care,” but then I was going to expand to anyone in adolescent health care, since those people are referring kids to these clinics. But really, we need the entire medical and psychological community to find a spine and take a stand against affirmative care. And parents need to see how their kids are arriving at this self-diagnosis. And everyone needs to understand what our leaders are supporting when they promote medicalization of young people. So really, this should just be required reading, period. So much simpler.
Very interesting, I note that the 'Advisor', is using the word 'gender', where I think that word 'sex' should be used....."..a common transphobic argument is that you cannot change your gender.."......
Kathleen Stock addresses use of language issue so eloquently in her book, where she explains the 4 different meanings which the word 'gender' can stand for. Also, looking at a couple of terms which come under the "trans" umbrella, eg 'gender fluid' and 'non-binary', I would have thought those 2 terms indicate that these "identities" are not constant.