My conversation with Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender

Source: Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender

What inspired you to launch Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender? 

For me, Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender grew out of my experiences as a parent who was blindsided by this issue when my child came out as “trans”. That sent me off on the typical liberal parent journey where you’ve already been somewhat brainwashed to affirm and rush your child to a gender clinic, thinking that the gender clinic will see this path doesn’t make sense for your child. So I did all that. I consented to puberty blockers. I got deluged in misinformation from the gender clinic claiming that all of this is exceptionally well-founded, based in the best scientific practices. And then I did my own research and figured out that this was just dangerous, incoherent nonsense, and that I had to find some way to get my kid out of it—which I haven’t been able to do yet.

The thing is, at first you think that surely there are tons of intelligent, well-connected people out there who are going to expose this scandal for what it is, that this is something we somehow got caught up in but somebody is working to fix it. You know, the calvary is coming. I had that in my mind. And then it became apparent that, no, the cavalry was not coming. If anybody is going to save our kids from this, it’s going to be us parents. 

After a year of disappointment, where I was trying to help my kid who was really decompensating and seeing what was happening in my own family, I realized that nothing was going to change unless we could open the eyes of Democrats to what they were supporting and how far they had veered from liberal values. It’s hard to accept that institutions you’ve put your faith in your whole life have lost their way like this. That’s when the ground beneath your feet really falls away. I’ve been a liberal Democrat my entire life, from a family of liberal Democrats, and all of a sudden, my party turned into a monster. They’re the bad guys.  

Democrats have to be led out of this by the hand, gently. This won’t end if that doesn’t happen. They’re hurting people. The Democrats are participating in the destruction of families and the grievous harm of young people and children. Some irreparably or to the point where they can’t live with what’s happened to them anymore. 

My background is in public health communications. I see this as a public health emergency. We’ve got a medical pathway that’s dangerous and we need to get correct information out in a way that’s accessible, that people can understand, that it has meaning to them, and that results in a change of behavior or thought.

So, at Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender, we have three main objectives. We’re trying to build our base of supporters so we have some level of influence and can get a foot in the door to educate our legislators. We’re trying to empower supporters to get organized politically and to talk to their families, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and others in a way that will change minds. And we ultimately want to launch a public health campaign to educate the public directly. But that’s going to take resources! 

Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender—we’re liberal, in the true sense of the word. We embrace free speech. We follow the science. We want to make sure that the most disadvantaged among us have a voice and aren’t harmed. We stand up for the hard-fought rights of women for dignity and privacy and safety and equal voice. 

How do you make sense of the Democratic party's embrace of 'gender-affirming care'?

This is going to be a question for the ages. We’ve got to figure out how this happened, if we’re going to stop it. When it comes to Democrats, I see a lot of people deferring to the ‘experts’: “Every major medical association supports gender-affirming care and I trust them over you.” This line has been hammered into people by politicians, activists, media outlets like the New York Times—and that’s what people cling to when their beliefs about this issue are challenged. Or maybe they know and love people who are caught up in this, like the woman I know who said her daughter is “doing so much better since she had her breasts cut off.” Think about that statement. What must happen to someone for them to make that statement and not immediately recoil? This kind of harm has been so normalized that a woman would say that about her daughter and believe she had said something reasonable. There’s an extreme disconnect there.

The suicide narrative has been especially powerful, even though it’s not backed by evidence. Of course, evidence isn’t influential at all for this issue — it’s a feelings-driven movement. But you hear these numbers thrown out on the number of “trans” kids who either have committed suicide or have attempted suicide — the percentages just keep climbing — and yet none of these people know where these unbelievable numbers came from or asks why this only happened within the past decade rather than before when kids had zero access to these interventions. People really care about these kids but they have accepted an absurd narrative, and the coverage of this narrative goes against the best advice about not encouraging this horrific outcome. Yet we have social-justice organizations  — and doctors! — validating this as an inevitable outcome. Kids — kids that are very much literal, black-and-white thinkers — are getting that message. It’s beyond irresponsible. It’s inexcusable.

I also think polarization is killing us on this issue because you’re not allowed to breathe the same air as a Republican if you’re a Democrat. If you don’t toe the party line on this issue, you’re either treated like you’re crazy or told you’re a right-wing bigot. The thought that you might just have a different perspective isn’t within the range of possibilities. And there’s no discussion. This is still very much a topic that you are simply not allowed to talk about. People get very angry about it.

For Democratic policymakers, there is so much pressure from activists and pressure from the party. If you’re against this, the DNC is going to eat you alive. There’s so much power and money in play. Medical associations wield a tremendous amount of influence. I encourage people to listen to any of the hearings in states considering policy changes around youth gender transition, in either direction, or the congressional hearings on males in female sports. If you listen to the Democratic legislators speak, it’s clear that these people have no idea what they’re talking about. They’re just parroting activist lines. They should be embarrassed. That, or they know perfectly well what they’re doing, and I don’t know what to say about those people, people who would willingly sacrifice children to stay in power. It’s hard to fathom someone that cynical.

For me, I’ve come to a point where I think: OK, no more hands-off democracy. You just cannot depend on the people you vote for. You think they’ve got experts, they’ve got advisors, but our policymakers are being advised by activists. Activist staffers act as gatekeepers and prevent us from connecting with our representatives to share other perspectives on what’s happening. 

Eliza: Something I’ve noticed when talking to fellow progressives is an attempt to avoid inconvenient knowledge. They don’t want to know. And it’s tempting to speculate why that is. If you believe, deep down, that your cause is just, why not look closer? If you’re so sure the care you’re providing is safe and effective, why not design studies that show how well ‘gender-affirming care’ works? 

DIAG: It’s a long hard fall. You either have to be willing to go for it—or you can’t help yourself. Many of us don’t have a choice. Once you see it for what it is, it does change you. But it’s also possible to get a glimpse of the problem and shut the door. 

Eliza: And then there’s the successful billing of the trans issue as a human-rights movement. This stirs up deep-seated insecurity about ending up on the ‘wrong side of history’ because you had some reservations, you had some prejudices. I think when progressives have doubts about the trans movement, they see themselves as counter-protesters jeering in the background of photographs from civil-rights demonstrations of the 1960s. They see themselves framed for posterity in a hateful, ignorant pose, while history moves on without them. Nobody wants to be that person. And if you can avoid being that person by silencing a few doubts and keeping your questions to yourself, there’s a strong incentive to do just that. 

So many people have found themselves politically homeless over the last several years. Could you tell me about some conversations you've had with fellow disenchanted progressives?

When people sign up as supporters of Democrats for an Informed Approach to Gender, we don’t ask for much information, just an email address and a zip code. We know people are worried about the risks of speaking out. Their jobs are at risk. Their relationships are at risk. So we wanted to give people an opportunity to join a movement where they don’t have to jeopardize those things. 

What we hear when people sign up is just an overwhelming sense of anger and confusion over how this could be happening and frustration that there doesn’t seem to be a way to end it. People are rightfully angry about their representatives, who are either supporting this nightmare or failing to push back. Parents whose kids have been swept up in this are especially angry because they know how destructive this is, what it does to kids, and then they see their representative — and the president! — pandering mindlessly to those pushing this insanity, voting for absolutely horrific legislation that destroys families, that harms women and girls. The party that was supposed to be the one to support us is putting dangerous men in women’s prisons. Why are they doing this? I can’t tell you the number of otherwise loyal Democratic voters who are so disgusted with their party that they say they’ll never vote for a Democrat again. They’re done. They’ll sit it out. Some will vote red out of frustration and anger. Most just want to do something to end the harm and get through to our party.

Here’s what some of our supporters have said about why they joined:

• “I'm horrified by the willful warping of children's and adolescents' sense of self and the pharmacological and physical violence done to them in the guise of 'gender-affirming' care.”

• “I am a desisted lesbian with a detransitioned wife who has watched this ravage our community's health and ability to meet and organize.”

• “I am a teacher and local elected [official]. I see the damage this ideology is doing to children every day. I see the ways they are psychologically manipulated for an adult political agenda.”

• “Concerned grandma! I think we are a silent majority. Hope to make a difference  in improving the health and well being of young people as well as protect the gains made to break down sex role stereotypes and promote women’s equality. Thank you for this group.”

• “I am a lifelong feminist and Democrat. I do not want to turn my back on the Democratic party, but I want the party leadership to wake up to the reality of gender ideology and understand that this isn't the same as fighting for gay rights, but an insidious form of sex discrimination. I want the party to wake up to the fact that supporting gender nonconformity and rejecting sex based stereotypes does not require changing one's body or identity. I want the party to realize that ‘gender' isn't real, that sex matters, and the feminist rejection of gender ideology is not driven by right-wing religion or hate.”

• “To find like-minded people who haven't given up on the Dems”

• “As a lifelong liberal democrat, I am compelled to take a stand on this brutal trend. It must stop.”

• “I watched child after child in my daughter's private girls' school decide they were non-binary or transgender, including my own daughter. We are a scientific and medical household and I blindly believed that the medical profession would be approaching gender dysphoria amongst children in a solidly scientific manner and have been horrified to find that's not the case.”

• “Because I’m a lifelong democrat but I can’t get behind all *this*”

• “My granddaughter is now on testosterone, with parental permission, and I am scared to death”

• “I am joining DIAG because I want other liberals to know that doctors and therapists are complicit in sending impressionable young people down a path of physical and mental pain in the name of "gender affirming care." How many friends tell me, "Oh, I didn't know..." If we don't stand up and tell the stories of unexplored delusion, heartbreaking regret, and permanent damage to our young, our politicians will continue to collaborate with Big Pharma. And so many more of our gay, bullied, traumatized, and neurodivergent young people will be harmed.”

• “I encounter so many “good” democrats that are dedicating themselves to the idea of trans rights without being able to acknowledge the damage being done to children and young women and the erosion of women’s rights. I have friends that no longer acknowledge sex. I won’t leave the Democratic Party but it sure has been tough to be part of it lately.”

• “Because I believe that Democrats should be following the best evidence and supporting the Hippocratic Oath to do no harm.”

• “I'm a lifelong Democrat woman that is fed up with gender ideology taking over my party and leaving actual women like me in the dust to fawn over men pretending to be women, ignoring the importance of sex based rights. I believe this is what led to the loss of Roe.”

• “I refuse to be called a birthing person, womb owner, cervix haver, chestfeeder. Sex based language is important. If we don't or won't define sex, then our sex-based rights are meaningless and easily taken away.”

• “I'm joining because I'm a lifelong progressive Democrat who's disgusted by those who claim to represent my views. None of my politics have changed. The only thing that's changed is how my party leaders have gone along with regressive ideas about sex stereotypes being more definitive to a human being than biological sex. They've applied this pseudoscience to justify emotionally blackmailing parents and convince them to mutilate our children. They've justified men taking away women's rights to safety, spaces, opportunities in sports, and more at the behest of men who are deserving of the least sympathy among us.”

• “This issue is deeply personal, as my family has been destroyed by the lies of the gender movement. I am a mom of 2 kids who got caught in the ideology of transgender. One of them is estranged from us and medically altered, and it is devastating. I was a dyed in the wool liberal Democrat, and now I am politically lost. The party has lost the plot.”

• “I'm joining because I, too, am a lifelong Democrat who can't bear to see my party abandon all reason and turn its back on science in deference to a cult.”

• “I am a lifelong Democrat. But when our daughter announced a trans identity and I realized that my own party was pushing for her to medicalize her distress, I became politically homeless.”

How can people learn more and get involved? What advocacy opportunities do you see unfolding over the next few months?

We’d love for people to check out our website and join us. The sheer impact of numbers can’t be understated. We send out email updates every month or so — more often if we have big announcements. We’re continuing to add more content and bulk up what we have on the website, so it’s worth checking every few weeks. 

Also please follow us on social media. We’re most active on Twitter/X. And please join us for our Twitter spaces. We have a great series that began on March 25, delving into the legal and legislative issues we’re facing in the US, starting with a look at the current detransitioner lawsuits. We had three expert attorneys providing a brief overview followed by a discussion of the legal theories behind the suits, the issues around “standards of care” (real ones, not WPATH ones), the intricacies of medical-malpractice lawsuits, and the implications of wins and losses. The next space, on April 15, will be a look at the legislation in the US promoting gender ideology — laws mandating or supporting parent coercion, child removal, sanctuary states, men in women’s prisons, men and boys in women’s and girls’ sports, etc. The third will focus on the next wave of legislation people are working on that might be harder for Dems not to support — the Detransitioner Bill of Rights ensuring medical care and coverage, laws focused on more robust informed consent (there’s debate around whether this is helpful or harmful in terms of protecting people), removing caps on damages, extending the statute of limitations, etc. I suspect we'll add other events to this series. There’s a lot to cover and I’m really excited about our speakers and the topics.

We’re also working hard on getting our community connection site up, to help people find other concerned Democrats in their area. We’re hoping if people aren’t so isolated, they’ll be more likely to reach out to their representatives and others. Getting liberals to attend town halls will be important (even better if they’re wearing a DIAG t-shirt — great merch coming soon!). Hopefully we can prepare people to engage effectively, to ask questions that get people really thinking about what it is they’re supporting. We know lecturing people and drowning them in facts — or handing them a stack of research papers does not work — but engaging people in conversations and asking questions that plant seeds of doubt help shift people. We have suggestions on the website for that, so please check those out. 

One really easy action we’re suggesting is to use the incessant donor envelopes from Planned Parenthood, the ACLU, the Southern Poverty Law Center, and HRC to send them a letter telling them why you no longer donate. We’ve posted a Planned Parenthood letter people can download and customize (or not) and send in using their donor envelopes. More letters are coming. Many of us were reliable donors to these groups and it’s been a real shock to the system to see what they stand for now—Planned Parenthood in particular, because they’re directly responsible for real physical harm. I’m sure the bulk of their donors have no idea what they’re supporting. They have no safeguarding in place whatsoever and their website is a textbook example of the craziest ideological garbage out there. They reinforce anti-science ideas about sex and conflate it with gender nonsense. They encourage children to keep secrets from their parents, which is not only unsafe, it plants the idea that kids shouldn’t come to their parents when they’re distressed. This is not an org that cares about the wellbeing of young people and I don’t think they’re going to be able to hide behind their reputation for long. I say all of this as someone who marched with NOW and Planned Parenthood in the 90s. 

I would be remiss if I didn’t ask that people sign the ProtectKidsCA petition to get a measure protecting kids on the ballot in California. You can also donate so that advocates can get the word out. Regardless of whether people support this ballot measure or not, we believe in the small-d democratic process. Californians should be able to vote on this issue.