Just don't bother
Never ever try to please these people by doing anything whatsoever that you were not already going to do for other, better reasons anyway
I’ve been catching up on Blocked and Reported and loved the Lindo Bacon episode, which includes what can be described as an outbreak of cannibalism in the fat-activist community over the 'cultural appropriation’ of the term 'fupa.' (Really.)
Anyway. The whole bunfight reinforces my belief that you should never ever apologize to people like this if you don't agree that you did something wrong and that you should never ever try to please them by doing anything whatsoever that you were not already going to do for other, better reasons anyway.
For a topical example, let’s check in on trans-identified females and how they want the rest of us to talk about our disappearing reproductive rights:
“I wish people would specify ‘trans men who can get pregnant’ instead of just saying "trans men" broadly. I don't have a uterus or ovaries nor do I want to imagine myself having them. It's also pretty rude to guys who have a lot of dysphoria surrounding that topic.”
“I’m okay with being included, but I’d rather not be named directly. Like, if they just said women i’d be uncomfortable because it applies to me and i’m not a woman, but if they said women, non-binary people, and trans men, i’d feel singled out. I like when they just say ‘people need abortions.’”
“I'm of the "don't include me in this discussion camp" personally. Does it technically effect me? Yeah. But for dysphorias sake I try to just like, Support from the sidelines. I'm also someone who doesn't like the language stuff (like saying "vagina havers" or some shit, would rather just get called a fucking woman). I just prefer to understand it technically could refer to me / effect me but I don't like to treat it as such?”
“I don't want to be included in the conversation as a woman, however I absolutely do want to be included as a man who possesses a uterus and the theoretical ability to conceive a child.”
“I had an abortion when I was 19. I'm a man who can get pregnant. Abortion isn't a "women's issue" unless you consider me a woman.”
“Personally I do not want to be included. I’m not a woman and I don’t want to be associated with pregnancy.”
“Abortion includes ALL men, cis or not, because we all only have ONE half of the genetic material but SHARE the responsibility of getting pregnant.”
“I feel awful either way. I’m an afab bigebder [sic] person on T, had top and doesn’t want their uterus. I do not identify as a transman even tho that’s what I’m medically known as. I prefer to just be referred to as person or human.”
“It's a discussion that needs to be had with anyone who owns a uterus.”
“Please don’t talk about us. It’s just dysphoria triggering for me lol. Of course all people have the right to an abortion but 99% of the people getting one are women. We don’t really need to be talked about because this is a woman’s issue for the most part.”
Honestly, is there any pleasing (/appeasing) these people?
Of course not. They’ve invested their identities in a desperate attempt to overwrite a set of facts about material reality that will nonetheless continue to matter and no one who reminds them of these inconvenient facts will ever do it sensitively enough because there’s no such thing as sensitively enough.
So the next question is: If we try to please/appease these people, will we be able to communicate clearly about the issues that matter to us? Will we be able to make ourselves understood? Is it even possible to defend the personhood of “uterus-havers”?
Just don't bother
I don't think you can ever get it "right" with these people partly because gender ideology is so irrational and self-contradictory that there is no "right," but mainly because being "brave" in the face of "oppression" is such an important part of the myth that it has to be maintained.
For example, the recent trans activist's accusation that the Guardian newspaper "regularly prints transphobic content," despite the Guardian falling over itself in its efforts to silence feminists and be "trans-affirmative" in all its reporting.
They can't admit that a mainstream broadsheet supports them unquestioningly while also claiming victim status.
Nobody , and I mean nobody can dictate how a sex class is referred to. There are 2 classes of humans. Any medical organization that is cow-towing to this ideology is catering to a religion and should stop. Same goes for news purveyors. You are correct that any bending over backwards is going to be unfruitful. Stick to the facts of life and you will not go wrong. Thank you for pointing this out!