An autogynephile walks into a reality check

Kupka, I think?

The trajectory:

• sudden trans epiphany that looks a lot like an autogynephilia-fueled midlife crisis, followed by

• flood of doubts about blowing up life over desire to dress “fem,” followed by

• abortive attempt to reality-check by asking for alternative perspectives, followed by

• retreat to trans spaces for hugboxing and reassurance that autogynephilia isn’t real, followed by

• full speed ahead on transition with big thanks to the ever-supportive trans community

Our main character today is a “hairy, mid 40s, bald man” with a wife and three kids. His ‘egg cracked’ recently. Very recently. About two weeks ago. Now he’s thinking about upending everything.

He has flashes of insight into his situation, including the painful recognition that “this community is so welcoming that I may be at risk of assuming I fit in just to feel I belong somewhere.” He’s not sure whether seeing a “a bald woman [sic], or with wig” will be as “fulfilling as my imagination,” in which he is presumably neither bald nor a man. He suspects he may be “some kind of insecure bizzare [sic] mash-up which will never be socially acceptable.” He wonders about his motivations and worries about regrets. He’s also not sure why he feels so much worse since ‘discovering’ this about himself. That’s why he reaches out to r/detrans:

The reason I ask is that since I've realised I'm trans/NB/bigender I've had so many more waves of depression and mysery. I assume it's because I'm feeling a social pressure to suppress this part of me which I have finally accepted exists. I dont know for sure that it's gender dysphoria, but I can totally imagine going to great lengths to avoid it, but I'm worried I'd end up regretting it, as so many of you have expressed.

In response, he gets what he says he’s looking for—different perspectives on his situation, which—it turns out—is not what he’s actually looking for. One man describes his motivations as “a combination of AGP, alcoholism, being in a very stressful unwanted sexual relationship with another man, and in addition online trans communities (or many online communities in general) are very cult like so a vulnerable, confused person like myself was swept up easily.” (More on that later.)